The Power of Words

We’ve all heard the phrase “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” chanted at us when we were young, and crying because someone had said something cruel.

Of course, that phrase is supposed to put us in a mind frame that says “what others say to/about me doesn’t matter!  I am __________________(insert the opposite of whatever was said)”

As we all know – this is not true.  Words do hurt.  They can cut deep, and leave scars to rival, or even surpass the physical.  Bruises fade.  Cuts heal, grow smaller, and some physical scars will fade away completely – even if the gaining of them stays sharp and clear.

Words however, leave no physical evidence.  They are sneaky and insiduous.  They worm their way into the head, and pop up when we are most vulnerable to them.  They take on a life of their own – especially when you are already unsure about/insecure about whatever it was that the words addressed.

Struggling with clinical depression – struggling with a lower self esteem, and second guessing all the time makes this even more invasive. I fight with myself over every mistake – every word I have uttered that may have been misconstrued – even years after the fact.  I worry about what and how I said something, because I know this to be true:

Words can indeed hurt.  A lot.

When those words are uttered by someone who is supposed to love you?  Devastating.

Why do those we love do this?  Is it because they are hurting, and know that it is safe to lash out at us?  I mean, we love them – we should forgive.  Right?

I ask, because this happened to me today.  I have been sick for going on a week now.  I don’t know if FMLA will cover the second part of the sick.  It overspans the covered timeframe for the month that we have set up.  I need to see my doctor to ask about having that amended.

My sister called while I was napping – so I missed it.  Called her back after I woke up – and she was screaming at me.

I am here, running a fever of 101 – 102, coughing, hacking, and generally feeling like crap.  She?  Is flinging mud.  Starts with the fact that she has been trying to get ahold of me (facebook and phone) for THREE MONTHS.  It isn’t a matter of her catching me – I just don’t give a fuck, and don’t call back!  (Truth is – I checked.  NO messages on facebook – and one, from JUNE, that was missed.  She had called when I was at work, with my phone off).

She moves on to trying to throw down a guilt trip about my mom.

See, before my mom died, she sent me a Logitech webcam for my computer, and Skype.  It was my birthday present.  I hooked it up, but couldn’t get it to work correctly.  Mom died before I could get the damned thing figured out.

My youngest sister was telling me that I broke my moms heart – denied her her dying wish – wouldn’t use the camera mom bought for me, so she could see me before she DIED.  Didn’t I feel bad that I denied that wish?

Yeah.  No.  Not going to accept that one.

Sorry.  I managed to get over/not fall for guilt trips a long time ago.  Not gonna fall for this one. My youngest sister was just trying to pick a fight.  So, I told her that I wasn’t gonna do this, and hung up.

She called back.  I answered, and the first thing I asked was “are you going to be a reasonable adult?”  “Yes!  Just answer the damned question!”  I hung up again.

The third time, I answered and said that I would speak – but only if she were civil.

Nope.  “Just answer…”  I hung up again, and turned off my phone for about 1/2 hour.

Turned the phone back on (because I was waiting for a call from my FMLA coordinator, to figure out how the messed up claim was going to work), and she called one more time.

“So.  Are you going to be civil, and speak to me calmly?”

“yes.”

“ok.  How are you?”

“Fine.  Just answer the question.  What about…”

“No.  I am sick – running a fever of 102.  I am not going to do this.  Check your facebook.”  and I hung up.

I think she got the message.  She hasn’t called back.  My facebook message to her is private, but basically says, “I love you – but I won’t do this.  I refuse to do this.  If you want to talk to me, I am happy to do so.  If you want to abuse me because you are unhappy with something in your life, don’t bother.  I am not the cause of your unhappiness, and I won’t do this.”

I do love my sister.  She has problems, and I understand that.  She has let those problems dictate her life, instead of trying to figure out how to overcome them.  She has trapped herself in a victim mentality – and now doesn’t want to take responsibility for anything.

I however, refuse to be her punching bag.  I refuse to let her try to drag me to that level.  AND – I know that she is doing this, because she has something that is bothering her, and feels that the only way to deal with it, is to make herself “better”.  Better than someone, or…  I don’t even know anymore.  I am sick, and I am tired, and I am so over drama.

And yet.  I know that while I loved my mother, very dearly – it was a LOT easier from a thousand or two miles away.  I did try to set up that damned camera, but did I try hard enough?  I know that I was ashamed of the way the thyroid issues I have developed made me look, and the weight gain they have caused.  Did I not try hard enough because of NOT wanting to be seen that way?

Is she right?  Did I deny my mother the chance to see me – and ME of my last chance to see her?  Even subconsiously? (realizing of course, that mom died unexpectedly.  There wasn’t any warning.  Talked to her on Sunday night – Monday morning, sis called to tell me mom had died in her sleep.)

Still, I don’t know.  And not knowing, I guess that question will add itself to the other million little nibbling spiders of self sabotage in my subconscious – trying to weave webs of tangled doubt.

I guess congratulations are in order.  The guilt trip?  Seems to have worked.

Little Bits of This and That

Just because.

If I am going to make it a point to get into a schedule, I need to actually do so. Am I right? Of course I am.

I have been a bit heartbroken however. The canvas print I put on this page a couple posts back? The Wicked based painting by James Hance? Yeah. That one. The prints turn out to be much too expensive.  I simply can’t justify the expense. So, no wonderful green Elphie on my walls.

There **is** art on my walls now though – a start at making my restful, lovely hermit cave!

I promised pics waaaaaaaay back in March of the Karazhan posters framed and hung, if I managed to get it done.

Finally, I deliver!

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Husband was skeptical at first. He thought that anything game related was going to go in the office. It is true that the vast majority of my swag, and my game collectable stuff will be in the office. (If it ever comes out of storage. We have been here since the end of MARCH for goodness sake, and Pete is still promising me that each month is the very LAST for carrying over the storage. I **still** don’t have my bed here! Been sleeping in my chair for FOUR MONTHS! RAWR!)

These posters though, are truly something that can be on the living room wall. He should know by now that while I am a geek, I also have impeccable taste in most things, and a fairly decent eye for what looks good. My house will NOT be completely video game oriented. That is mostly for the offce.

That’s the husband critters buzzhead in the pic. Thank goodness he isn’t a comb over type! His hair is… diminishing. Instead of growing it out, he decided to go all super military on it. He has clippers, and buzzes it all off every few weeks. I then get to play clean up on the alfalfa ‘do he leaves behind. He **always** misses that one piece in the middle back – and it sticks up exactly like alfalfa’s did in “The Little Rascals”. (And I hope like hell y’all know what I mean there.)

We do have the table and chairs here as well – and a two canvas painting that the husband critters sister painted.  When Pete went down to see her/help with clear out some stuff she didn’t need, he fell in love with it. Because he liked it so much, she gave it to him. It was the first thing I hung on the wall.

When I put it up, I decided to troll him, and hang it backwards. Because I am not very good at trolling, he missed the point, and LOVES them this way:

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Beyond house settin’ up stuff, I have been gaming a bit. Well, a LOT, actually.

All of the sudden, I have way too many games again, and not near enough time. I’ve been testing the Beta for Final Fantasy XIV A Realm Reborn. (Square Enix agreed with the rest of the world that the first iteration of this game was NOT good, so they completely redid it.) I have been having a blast! I am enjoying this game immensely, and am waiting for phase 4 to start – the open, release candidate beta. Should be happening in a couple of weeks or so, since the launch date has been set firmly for August 27th, with early access for Collector Edition purchasers beginning the week prior, and that for those who stuck with the 1.0 version of the game two weeks before.

Civilization V came out with it’s latest expansion on the 9th of this month. A Brave New World is awesome! It added so much to the game that is already one of the best for turn based strategy (in my own opinion, of course) and made it even better! I have started a game as the Shoshone, and have been having a grand time figuring out the new stuff.
Neverwinter has been fun. Totally free to play – not even a box purchase required. It is of course run on microtransactions, but you don’t have to purchase anything if you really don’t want to. Most of what is sold is quality of life stuff. Unlike some other FTP games out there, it doesn’t hold back aspects of the game. You can play all parts of the game, with all abilities without having to pay a dime. You can purchase extras (like more character slots, bigger/more bags for carrying stuff and bank slots for storing stuff. Faster mounts… that kind of thing.)

Skyrim – still futzing around in that huge and marvelous world – and waiting eagerly for Elder Scrolls Online to come out next year! I signed up for that beta. Don’t know if I will have any chance at it, but one can hope!

Signed up for the beta for a new game coming out as well – Wildstar. This one is Sci Fi – and looks intriguing. We shall see if it lives up to the slowly growing hype it has been getting.

Still playing World of Warcraft of course.  Have my sixth maxed level character now, working on the next to get there.  WoW has been taking a bit of a back seat.  As I said in a post some time ago – it was the -only- game I played for years.  Now, it does get put on hold for a while when I want to try something different. I know it will always be there, well loved and comforting.

I have The Secret World, and can even run it… kinda. It is not what I would call a fun experience however. I need a better graphics card if I am going to enjoy this one – which also just went free to play (though it requires a box purchase) Steam had it for a steal during their summer sale though, so…

 

Besides games, I have been going through a creative phase. I pulled out my colored art stix (kinda like pencils, without the wood – the whole thing is a square colored pencil lead essentially) and my regular pencils/charcoal. Not going to show that though, at least not yet. I am super duper rusty – and want to see if I even have the stuff anymore!

Crochet though… I learned a few new methods, and had a grand time doing so!

First, is Broomstick Lace. This is pretty much what it sounds like. You use a broomstick (or appropriately sized tool – in my case, a piece of PVC pipe, as I could get my husband to give me some left over from redoing some piping on a job) to stretch rows of loops around:

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and then gather the big loops that are made as you crochet the next base row:

 

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Comes out GORGEOUS!

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And the yarn I am using here is amazing. Literally. The brand is not one of the yarn porn brands, but not a bad one – Lion Brand. The line is called “Amazing”, and the colorway for this one is called “Glacier Bay”. I have fallen in LOVE with this yarn. I adore the huge variety of colors it has throughout, and the varying intensities of those colors.

Here, I am using it again in some Granny Squares. These are about 8″ blocks, that I am considering using as base blocks to patchwork with other smaller blocks in solid colors to make a quilt patterned afghan.

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I am absolutely going to have to buy more of this yarn though! It is super soft wool with a bit of acrylic, making it very stable. It holds shape well, and won’t shrink as much as 100% wool would.

I also whomped together a homemade (and very temporary – this thing won’t hold up for any amount of **real** work on it) hairpin lace loom, to see if I would like that technique.  It is an interesting one, and very versatile.  I didn’t however, remember to get any pics. I will be buying a loom soonish though (only about $5, the problem is getting my hands on my car to actually go GET the damned thing.)  When I do, I will show you what this is and does! Super cool.

 

Cooking.

I have been trying some new things, either found on the interwebs, or shared by friends. One of the wins was homemade, baked not fried taquitos.

Assembling:

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And after baking:

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These were rather awesome. I made them the first time with flour torillas because that is what I had a metric ton of. Next time I make them – we will try with corn torillas!

Last, but not least, some cloud porn for your enjoyment! The clouds on this day were very different.  I had never seen them like this before.  The lines you can kinda see in the pics were very clearly delineated, making the entire sky look…  sculptured.

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Husband got totally exasperated with me when I called him out onto the balcony to look at the clouds – until he got there and saw them. Then of course, he was pointing out different places I should point the camera. I think I photographed the whole of the sky (that we can see from the balcony) that day. The strange, almost sculpted look of the clouds didn’t show  well in the pictures – but I picked the best two. These pictures unfortunately don’t do this very strange and beautiful sky the justice it deserves.

As I began.  A little about a lot about pretty much nothing, but it is a post, and I have written!

DAMN!  I’m on a roll!

Fear and Love

So.

I’ve had a real home for a few months, had a shift change, and am now held again to my IDP. (Individual Development Plan as you remember).

New team manager can be a bit of a stickler, and he is gonna hold me to it! (Thanks, Mr. Man. I definitely need the motivation/prods).

It’s not that I don’t want to write. I do! I really really do! There is just so much going on in my twisted little head…

First.

There is of course a fear of starting back up. Writing on a regular basis means commitment!

Other than my high and lofty goals, set out 1.5 years ago, I haven’t written regularly since 1993 when my best friend in the world, the mate of my soul, and one of the most loved people in my life Kevin, died.

He was so young. Just 30 when AIDS took him.

This was before the first cocktail went into trials. This was back when people were so afraid of AIDS that they freaked out at the mere thought of knowing someone affected. I remember my mom being worried because I used to hug Kevin, and even (OH MY GOD) kiss his cheek. She was frightened – afraid that I would contract the disease from that kind of contact.

Back then, people weren’t very informed. There was a LOT of hysteria about the disease. The docs didn’t know much, and the general populace, even less.

I however, knew that we were OK. If he didn’t have an open sore on his cheek (and yeah. Whose gonna kiss a cheek with an open sore anyway. Really?) I would be fine. It wasn’t airborn, so hugs were FINE.

And, at that time, we were both in need of hugs.

I had miscarried my first baby, and he was in the midst of an ugly breakup with his boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend was still his roomie – because they couldn’t afford to live separate. Ex-byfriend was bringing new boys home every couple of evenings – and in the end, had a “live in”. Poor Kevin. His heart was given, and he tried to be stoic, but I know he was hurting. His heartbreak was mine.

I loved Kevin from the first time I met him, at the Denny’s where my first husband waited tables early in our marriage. (He worked there, and I had a job as a subcontractor for the USGS, doing data entry). He worked there as well, and when I came in for all night coffee, waiting for Rick to get off, Kevin never minded if I had a table in his section.

We would talk about books, politics, religion… any and everything that could or would come up. Debate, and discussion, and even if we didn’t agree (which didn’t happen that often, surprisingly) we had a rousing good time, often ending with heading out to breakfast when his shift was over, to discuss more!

It was with Kevin that I saw the movie “The Accused”. Jodie Foster playing Sarah Tobias, in a film that was loosely based on a 1983 rape case, involving a woman gang raped in a bar in MA. SHE was the accused, because she “dressed and acted provocatively”. This movie had me in hysterics. Kevin was able to calm me down, talk me down, help me feel not so violated watching the movie. (I have some serious empathy issues – and when I can relate, Nellie bar the door!)

It was with Kevin that I learned about non mainstream religion (read paganism, in all of its forms) and started to come to an understanding of what the divine means to ME. It was with Kevin that I learned to be a bit more open. Kevin was like a brother I didn’t grow up with, but had he been NOT gay, or I a man, he would have been my love. My one and only. And I would have been his. In the bodies/lives we had however, that was not to be.

Kevin was also my writing buddy. Both of us had the fire. The need. The want. We would read, and critique, and edit, and then reread each others work. He was a maarvelous author, and he had faith in ME and my writing as well. Of course, thinking back on what I was writing then, I cringe. SO fraught with meaning – symbolic as hell, and oh my gods preachy? I should say SO! Ugh. I hope that when I get up the courage to try to write more than my little blog posts here, that I will have found I have grown, and that I am better for the wisdom I have gained.

Still, and most importantly, we were both writing. Kevin was in school – taking classes at the community college, and writing stuff for his Creative Writing course. He also had a filebox full of titles, snips and ideas, as did I.

1993. Kevins HIV positive status had tipped over into full blown AIDS and he had Kaposi Sarcoma. It was invading his legs, feet… pretty much the entire lower half of his body, and with HIV, yeah.

There was a close call in November of that year – where I (as executor of his estate, and Power of Attorney for him) was told that his family should be called – he wasn’t likely to last much longer. He was out of his head – delirious.

Of course, this happened when we were in the beginning stages of a full blown blizzard in Denver. Still, I went to the airport (20 miles give or take each way) three times to get his parents, and each of his brothers as they flew in and take them to the hospital.

Turned out, the staff at the hospital had given him a drug that was dehydrating his brain, and hadn’t given him saline in his IV to help. Once someone realized that, he was more himself.

At that point though – I had another meeting with the hospital staff. His condition wasn’t going to get better, and they wanted me to choose a hospice facility.

It was a happy chance that the one closest to where I lived (only about 6 miles) was also rated the best. At this point, I was spending 18-20 hours a day at bedside, making sure he was never alone. After he got moved to the hospice, he became clearer, more focused. The staff there was awesome. He however, was breaking my heart. He kept talking about “when he got out”. I didn’t want to face it, but I had to.

“Kevin, hon. This is a hospice.”

“Yeah – I know. But when I get out – “

“Hon. The reason you are here, is because there isn’t much time, and we want to keep you as comfortable as we can until…”

“You mean I am going to DIE here?”

“…” (with a squeeze to hand, and tears in my eyes)

“Why the FUCK didn’t anyone tell me? Mom and dad have been talking about when I go home. There’s so much I need to do before I die! So much I need to get out. Please. Make sure my stuff gets done? My books and stories get written? Finish them for me?”

(This is pretty much verbatim for how that conversation went. It is seared into my brain.)

And for the next week or so – I took notes. And listened. And committed to memory. And spent time with my best friend, my soul mate, as he slipped further and further away.

Finally, on December 3rd, 1993, we were in the sun room, and he was giving me more information about stuff he wanted written. Ideas he had, and novels that were conceived, but he was wandering a bit. A couple of nurses were in the room as well, having a smoke break. (This was back in the day – most places still allowed smoking, and in this hospice, that sunroom was the smoking room.)

They looked at each other, and then at me, and the sadness and compassion in their eyes told me exactly what I was afraid to hear/see. “Why don’t we get Kevin back to his room now for a bit? I think he is probably a bit tired.”

They got him back into his bed, and then went to hunt down his family. I stayed there, holding his hand, and a couple of minutes after everyone got there, he was done.

I leaned over, and kissed his cheeks, his lips, his eyes, and whispered into his ear that I would write for him. I would remember him, and I would love him forever.

Now, 20 years have passed. I still love Kevin, and I miss him every day. Some thought of him comes most every day for me still. He was and is, a part of my life that is precious, and beautiful. I have NOT however, fulfilled that promise. I stopped writing.

Apathy. Fear. Heartache. These invaded my life, until it became easier to make excuses than it was to make stories.

Writing this blog was supposed to be a way back to the joy – but I have been letting fear (and a bit of real life) get in the way of that.

Fear is the biggest part here. I have been left with a huge responsibility. Write his stuff – and do it justice. Write my stuff, and do IT justice.

I am afraid. He was such a marvelous writer – and I don’t know that I CAN do this. He had faith in me, but I am having a hard time finding that faith in myself. Can I write it – get it out, and get it READ? If I do, would it be what he wanted it to be? Would it be good enough?

These thoughts haunt me, and I find myself sinking into a quagmire. If I don’t try, I won’t fail.

If I don’t try however, I can’t succeed. I will also have broken a promise made to someone I loved, and still love with all my heart.

Where the Wild Bloggers Are!

And that would be right here!

Here, as in HOME.

YES! I have a home now! Have had, for about a month.

I haven’t written in ages. I got tired of whining, and moaning, and complaining. Seemed to be pretty much all that was happening on my blog, and in my life.
I had to live with it, as did the hubs thing. I didn’t however, have to make y’all deal with it, so I kinda… stopped for a bit.

Last we heard of our intrepid blogger heroine, she was still traversing the terrors of the tenth circle of Dante’s hell, (you know – the one even HE found too horrific to write about?) and well, whining. And moping. And bitching. ‘Cause hell, ya know? Hot, and dark, and cramped? Well, the husband creature thing had promised that by my birthday – HOME!

Yeah. That didn’t happen.

Then, he promised ABSOLUTELY before Christmas/New Year! Uh. Huh.

Then before January ended. And February. /sigh.

By this time, I had decided. If I made it to April 30th. (A full mother frickin’ YEAR mind you.) I was gonna celebrate thusly:

Cheap, plastic woven lawn chair from that world class outfitter – Walmart.

Several 40s of PBR (only the best!) from the nearest 7 – 11.

Stained boxers, and a wife beater.

ME – ensconced in the chair, with a cooler holding the extra PBRs, in the wifebeater/boxers, camped out on the chair, in front of the window to the room, on the “verandah.”

At that point, if you can’t beat ‘em, might as well join ‘em, am I right? I mean, if you are going to do something, you should do it the very BEST you can. Right?

HOWEVER -

I was saved from this horrible fate. I found and brought to Pete’s attention to a NEW and SHINY locator. And?

She worked miracles.

Austin is getting more and more expensive to live in as people flock here for jobs.

The houses that we might possibly be able to afford last year? Twice that now. HOWEVER -

Susan was able to do it! – even with my slowing rising again credit, and Pete’s history.

We got a lovely apartment! Yes, it -is- on the third floor, which means my back is cranky if I have to carry anything up, but it has high, crown molded ceilings! Light, bright, airy – with a tub fit for a queen! <3

The queen of tubs

THE TUB!!!!!

Great room

The great room – seen from the dining room end.

Bedroom

The corner of the bedroom – because there isn’t much interesting about a bedroom without anything in it, is there?

Kitchen

The kitchen – where my everything lived until my comfy stuff and computer desk made it here! (there is a little “desk” type part of the counter built in at the back there)

Office

The office! My ‘puter is NOT in the living room! It has its OWN room! **squeeeeee**!

We have been here a month now. The comfy chairs/loveseat are here, as is my computer desk. The bed? Not yet. Washer and dryer? LOL. no. In fact, besides the clothes we had in the room, stuff mentioned above, and my kitchen table/chairs – it is ALL still in storage. We have been here for 5 weeks now.

Most recently I scored a couple of movie poster frames at Walmart. Two of the three Karazhan posters now have frames. One more, and I will have the set on my wall! When I do – more pics!

Also, there is a painting that I am waiting with bated breath for the print to be released. An artist named James Vance has a painting based on ‘The Return Of Spring’ by William-Adolphe Bouguereau. “The Adoration of Elphie”. Finished Elphie

This painting for me, speaks so very clearly to the character Elphaba in Wicked. I read this book when it came out – well before the Broadway play was made of it. I adore the book, and this character. When I saw this painting, I knew I had to have it. And barring any kind of catastrophe, I shall! Just as soon as he gets the canvas prints done. >.< Y'all should click the link to Mr. Hances page, and check him out! He is truly fascinating to read on Facebook as well. Watching him start with a red or blue wash, and then having magic emerge from it – an absolute marvel to behold!

I really REALLY don’t want to pay another month on the storage shed – especially since we are already paying extra so that Pete has a garage for storage here. That would be due on Friday though – so no matter how emphatic the husband being is when he insists that it will be here before then, and we won’t have to re up for another month…

Let’s just say I am not going to hold my breath.

Is this the beginning of new life/new regular schedule?

Not gonna promise anything, but I am sure gonna try! (still on the IDP, damnit!)

Of Procrastinating, Procedures, and Pet Battles! Oh My!

I could try to make all sorts of excuses for not posting the last couple of weeks, but I’m not gonna.

Truth is, I was just lazy.

I would start my weekend with the best of intentions for posting, and come late Friday night/early Saturday morning, I would realize that I had put it off TOO long, and I was too tired.

Decided that was NOT going to happen this week, so here I am!

I’ve been slacking on the crafting. I have the stuff, I even have it out where I can see it. I just can’t seem to get comfortable enough to DO it.

The counter where I sit at my computer is really too high – even with my office chair raised to the max, the counter comes up almost to my armpits. Means that I get tired arms very very quickly when doing anything that involves the “table”. Unfortunately, that does include (to some degree) my crafts, even the knitting. It gets in the way. And I just CANNOT get comfortable enough sitting on the bed to do much of anything. No back support, or if propped up against the headboard, I find I am awkward with the needlework while my legs are sticking right out in front of me.

I know. I’m weird. We ALL knew that, so we don’t need to dwell, right?  Right.
Onward.

I am not the only procrastinator around here. Hubster STILL hasn’t managed to check out listings being sent to get us OUT of here, and when my temp tags ran out on the 31st (I nagged him every week to get the Certification of Title paperwork from the previous owner, but it didn’t happen) he… extended the temp tags. Instead of getting the permanent ones. /sigh

At least I will be legal for the next month again. Would have been driving back here on expired tags Wednesday at midnight, if our systems at work hadn’t had a nervous breakdown. We did all the stuff that was waiting for out of queue time, and then were told to go home. NOT that I was unhappy about that! It was only a bit over an hour, and on my Friday! PLUS – I was legal driving back here! (The county where my office lives is notorious for “by the book” policemen, and this was Halloween night.)

Going into a short week this week, but not for fun. Have a docs appt on Wednesday, and won’t be in any shape to work Wednesday night. (Come ON good pain pills!) Made the appointment so that I could get done what I need to get done, and have a couple of days to recoup. Honestly, between allergies, a possible plague moving about the workplace, and the insomnia that is hitting again, maybe the drugs Imma have to take will get me back on track as well!

ANYway.

I have found a new addiction. And it might reach further than I would ever have thought.

Pet Battles.

Yup. You read that right. Pet battles.

With the Mists of Pandaria expansion for World of Warcraft, a new little mini game was added. Pet battles.

Now, all my girls in WoW have always been pet whores. It is why my account doesn’t have more gold on it than it does. They ALL had to have ALL THE PETS. Now, I have more to DO with those pets than just have an addon pull one out randomly to follow me around.

First, the Developers of WoW decided to make these “companion pets” account wide (which works better with the system they have set up) which means I had a BAZILLION AND ONE pets with all the dupes. (In reality, it was 1,438, of which about 148 were unique). The VAST majority of these could be caged, and put up on the in game auction house. (barring of course pets that were gained through Collector’s Editions, Real Money Pet Store… stuff like that). If it was gained in game, you could cage it, and try to get your gold back/make gold on them.

Finally! Something that **I** had a corner on the market for!

I have been doing pretty well with selling extra pets, (and oh so many more still in my SECOND bank alts guild bank… opened JUST for pets. One on each faction. I know. I am a bit… twisted. Again, we all knew this. Right?)

It is the actual BATTLING though, that I am addicted to.

Well, not the BATTLING per se, but the COLLECTING.

Go figure, huh?

There are special marked pets out in the world, and you can get your team of pets (chosen from what you have already, either pre expac, or captured) and head out into the world to battle and or capture these pets! THEY in turn, can be swapped into and out of your team, and so on, and so on, and so….

Remember me? The pet whore? No such thing as too many?

Yeah. Me. I have been taking my ‘lock out and about, battling to capture pets, looking for the rare ones, leveling up my “team”, and all round having a blast.

In fact, this weekend, that is pretty much all I did. (Few dailies on the two girls I have in the new zones, but that is it.)

What’s REALLY sad?

I am thinking about asking for/looking into getting a Nintendo 3DS for either Christmas, or my birthday. Solely so that I can get the Pokemon games. Because it is, from what I understand, the exact same thing, only more portable.

Seriously. Because now, I am worried that I will run out of pets to capture/upgrade (there are 4 “levels” of pets you can catch – poor, common, uncommon, and rare, so if you have say… an “uncommon” level skunk, and you run across a “rare”, you can battle that one, and if successful, add him to your pet book, either replacing the “uncommon” or just adding, as you can have up to 3 of any one kind of pet). My binge this weekend got me through a LOT of zones, and earned me a LOT of pets.

What will I do if I run out of pets to tame?!? The HORROR!

So possibly Pokemon. Because ya know, if I have to have an addiction – pet battling isn’t a bad one.

It could be crack.

Just sayin’.

I got nothin’

I know.  It’s lame, and silly – but there it is.

Nothing super exciting, or life changing, or on the top of my head tonight.

I **DO** have a car, and have been chauffeuring myself back and forth from work for the last week or so.  This is a good thing – to be in charge of my own gettin’ there!  (Where ever there happens to be.  In the case of this week – work, and then not work. Cause with mandatory OT, there just isn’t much else for me – even if it IS only one hour a day… )

I have gotten my Alliance druid to 87.5, and started her farm in my game.  (If I were able to raid with my guild, this would be BAD!!!!!!  as they are hoping to begin next week.  As it is, not so much.)

I have battled pets to level 10 – 11, and gathered some rare catches out in the wild.  Assuages my pet whore tendencies.

Made lots of gold in the AH with sales of extra pets from the account wide pet/mount change in game.  (who knew that spending gold to get ALL the girls ALL the pets, and spending the time as well, would pay off? )

Other than that, no production at all.
I know.  I fail.  Hard.  Such is life though.  Hopefully, more fun,  more words, more EXCITEMENT, EXPLOSIONS, PUNS and general SNARKINESS next week!

 

Random Ramblings, or how I got my job.

I swear. It has been a heck of a week – and another to follow. As I said a couple of weeks ago – time off blackout, and mandatory OT. This equals cranky ME, as I am not getting the wind down time I need.

Along with cranky, I am jealous of everyone who is able to play right now when everything is new and shiny!  (extended play is what I am talking about here.  During the week, I don’t do much more than check auctions, and maybe a daily cooking/fishing quest.  Or not.  Depends on how tired I am – and with OT – I will be tired.)

Add to this the first plague to hit the office of the season, and WHEEEEEEE!!!  (NOT.  Just in case you took me seriously on the dizzy joy.)

So, with everyone around me coughing, sniffling, sneezing, what do you think is happening? Yup. And not able to even **think** about taking a day until after the madness is over.  (Seriously thinking about a day mid October though – make a long weekend to play away, even if it IS still in the seventh level of hell known as extended stay living).

There are oh so many girls to level, and gear, and so much STUFF to do this time around! While I know that yet again, I won’t be able to put the focus into learning my character/spec well enough, or gearing well enough to raid with my guild, (not to mention – the raiding times are smack dab in the middle of my work night), I will have MUCH to occupy my time, and so far, I am LOVING this one! So very beautiful to look at. Fun, engaging, and like I said – a LOT of stuff to choose from to do, with more coming as I get to level cap (again).

This “weekend” was mostly futzing around. I did get one of my Druids to 86, and the Raid Leader of my guild was kind enough to let my seriously undergeared/not played enough to know the new rotations etc girlie go with them into a dungeon.

Props to the guild mates and one pugger that were there – it was a smooth run thanks to them. AND – I got to see a little bit of the content that I probably wouldn’t have seen for a long while! (I don’t do purely random groups. Falls way WAY outside of my comfort zone.)

Of course, nothing dropped that my girl could even remotely use. Remember? Random hates me – especially in game.

I may whine about having to work, and not being able to play, but I still remember how awesomely exciting and nerve wracking it was getting this job. I don’t regret it, then or now.

Back in Massachusetts 2008 our business was slowing folding, and I was desperately looking for a job. We had just lost the chance to adopt my nephew (too little notice, and too much paperwork to do an interstate adoption before the county placed him), and were considering moving to another state.

I sat down at my computer, to read the forums of the game company that put out the game I was obsessed with. Every week or so, someone would post a “how do I become a GM?” thread. This time, there was a forum agent to answer, and he supplied a link to the job opps page for the company.

With the great forethought and wisdom brought on by a few glasses of wine, I thought “Why the hell not! Might as well.” Texas was one of the states we were considering moving to, so….

Pulled out the old resume, made a cover letter, and sent it off. Didn’t expect much. I didn’t have any customer service experience really – most of my work history had been back office sort of stuff. The only thing I had going for me, was the fact that we were willing to move to Texas without move reimbursement, and a passion for the company, and the games it makes.

This was sent in in October 2008, and when I didn’t hear anything after a month or so, I forgot about it.

Come the end of December, my phone rings, with a number (area code even) that I don’t recognize, and I almost don’t answer. I am playin’ my game, damnit, and don’t want to have to fight off a telemarketer or some other! And yet – I hit the answer button. Best thing I ever did.

“Hi there. Is Pam available?”

“May I ask who’s calling?”

“This is ________ With **game company**.”

“ARE YOU SHITTING ME?” (Yes. This actually came out of my mouth on a phone call from a prospective employer. Not my normal mode of being. I blame the fact that it was almost 9pm my time, I had had a couple of glasses of wine, and was playing/relaxing/talking trash with my guildies).

“**laughs** Nope. Do you have a couple of minutes to talk?”

“Sure. Let me just get my girl to a safe… aw hell. If she dies, she dies!”

“Are you sure? (I can just picture the googly eyes here. He had to be thinking I was a bit… unstable at this point) I can wait a moment…”

And that is how it began. I guess I somehow impressed him with the call (though I don’t see how that could be – maybe by this point they were desperate for bodies? ) because we set up an interview for me on January 21 2009.

My dad came through – lent me the plane fare (which I still owe him. I haven’t forgotten Dad! Really! If life and spendthrift husband stop messin’ with me, **or I get both of them beaten into submission  (kidding!  kind of.)  I will be able to get to you, and everyone else that I owe. I am just sorry it is taking so infernally long.)

Got down to Texas, and stayed with my Sister in law in San Antonio. Meant a bit of a drive (tech, game studios and what not tend to migrate to Austin, where the motto is “Keep Austin Weird”. Go figure. ) for the interview, but with the loan of her Tom Tom, even **I** (who can’t find my way out of a wet paper bag with a knife) was able to make the trek from city to city without a wrong turn. Interviewed, and was told that it would be a couple of weeks before final determination was made – patience!

Hubster and I had already decided that yes or no on this job, we were going to bite the bullet and move here. The interview seemed a sign. We were going to move anyway, and one way tickets are much cheaper than round trip. I would stay down here while I waited to see if I got the job (and apply for others just in case) and he would pack up the house and cart himself, the cats, and our stuff with the car and a trailer.

When it rains, it pours. I was shifting from my Sister in law’s house to an extended stay room (better than this one – I lucked into a special needs room, which are MUCH bigger – to allow for wheels and such) when I got not one call, but two offering jobs – and one was the one I really wanted.

There was a hitch however. Next training class wasn’t going to start for a while. Not sure how long – but within the next couple of months. Sigh. It was a good thing that my scouring of Craig’s list had found a job for the hubster. We couldn’t move out of the hotel, because we had to have proof of employment for both of us, (and then first/last/security) but we could afford to live.

Fast forward TWO months. I get a phone call on Friday the 17th of April, asking if I can begin training on Monday the 20th? (hows that for a good amount of prep time, eh? ) Zoom zoom zoom – called the management company we had been working with (in prep, and just waiting for proof of income) and begged. I had to sign non disclosure paper work and such before I could have anything stating my employment by the studio. Management person took pity, and agreed to rent, with the condition that I get the letter of employment to him the next week. That, combined with the loan of First/Last/Security from my friend Jenn, (mostly paid off – but still owe a bit. Making it a priority now that hubster is full time again, along with getting INTO a real place to live again!) got us in place just in time to start training.

And – that is how I got the awesome job I have. Even if it means not getting to play with everyone else sometimes. I have been here almost 3.5 years now – and am fast closing in on my five year sword. While I have stated that I wish to stay with my company until I retire, it is nice to have large goals broken down into smaller ones. For right now – my goal is to make it to five years for that sword.

Why? Because its a SWORD damnit!

Enough of my ramblin’! Reading time (Yay!) and then to bed – perchance to dream… or at least to be somewhat aware tomorrow for my Monday at work. Hope where ever y’all are, you have (or are having) a great weekend! <3

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