A Year’s End, and….

So very very tired.

It has been a heck of a week, and there are still a couple of days before it ends, and I can crawl back into the cave for the weekend, and to usher in the New Year.

I have never been one to go out and party like its 1999 on New Years Eve. I don’t want to be on the roads with the idiots, and I certainly don’t want to usher in the new year with crowds of people I don’t know. (Can you say nightmare of EPIC proportions?)

Used to be, we would have a few friends over, play board and card games all night, toast in the New Year, and everyone would stay the night so that no one had to deal with trying to drive. (Heck. I had a 4 bedroom house, with living room and family room – more than enough sleeping space!)

Now, Hubster and I ring in the new year together. We will play cribbage, or other two handed card games, maybe a round of Trivial Pursuit (It is a race to see if I can answer an easy sports question before he answers an easy literary one). In Massachusetts, there wasn’t anyone I wanted to ring the new year in with, and here, the few people I might wish to have around, work extremely different schedules, including working that night, are major hermits in their own right, or LIKE the party scene!

New Year for me is more than “party”. It is indeed a new beginning – a fresh new year in which to make changes, even if I don’t plan them out as resolutions. I do still have a list of things I want to accomplish (of course, I love lists! Remember?) but I don’t set the same type of goals that are more traditional for this time of year.

This week has been hard for a couple of reasons.

First, for the first time EVER, I was seriously on track for breaking the “Higher than expected” threshold for productivity in my company for the whole month – for the first time ever! I usually sit very very solidly in the range of what is expected. This week however, my numbers have taken a dive, and it looks like it isn’t going to happen. I only have a couple more days to make up all the ground I lost, plus the .5 or so extra I needed. Just a matter of bad luck with issues, and some health type things making me a bit more draggy than normal.

On the quit smoking front. I haven’t been able to get the ecig yet, and the training from the round of Chantix is wearing off. I find myself smoking more again, and again, was “borrowing” cigarettes at work. I hate that, and I hate people that constantly mooch, so they just started traveling there with me again.

This poses a couple of problems for me, personally. I was diagnosed almost a year ago with beginning stages of COPD. I have chronic bronchitis. Now, COPD has no cure. It is degenerative. It will get worse. Smoking will make it get worse quicker. I know this. It is why I started the round of Chantix in the first place. I know that I need to do this. So, why can’t I? I have willpower. I am able to exercise it in virtually every other aspect of my life, and to great result. With this however, it just isn’t working.

I’m tired of people saying “just quit”. If it were that easy, don’t you think I would have done that? Seriously. I do like to breathe, and to do so easily.

Maybe your Uncle Bob has better moral fiber than I. I Maybe he was just stronger. I am happy that he was able to quit a 40 year, 4 pack a day habit cold turkey without anything more than his resolve. As for me? I don’t really know. All I know is, I set out, with great resolve, and fail. Miserably.

I have had a couple of situations at work that haven’t helped this week.

There are all sorts out there, and when a company has a client base that is very very large, it is inevitable that during the course of years working, one will run into all types at some point. I got two of my least favorite, most draining this week.

The first, is the complete crazy. I am talking possible psychotic break here. Trying to deal with a person who seems to have no concept of reality, and is completely overtaken by the world they perceive is both tiring, and sad. Unless you agree with everything this type says, it gets hairy, and rather scary frankly.

These are not the normal, passionate, “GIVE ME WHAT I WANT/CHANGE IT (whatever “IT” is) NOW!” people one runs into on a daily basis. These may show some of the same earmarks, but there is a difference. Tangible, and quite obvious.

I am sincerely hoping that these people do end up with the help they need to rejoin reality. It is draining to deal with though. I am lucky in that I have only had two such people in my almost 3 years with the company.

The other type, are the ones who threaten harm to themselves if whatever they want doesn’t happen.

I don’t know if people in other CS jobs have this issue. I can’t imagine people phoning their cable company, or their cell phone provider, and using this as leverage to try to get what they want. Then again, I don’t really understand it in any situation.

Normally, a suicide threat is one of a few things. It may be the equivalent of “Imma hold my breath til you give me the pretty pony makeup set!” that children try on parents. It may be that they have been told by others that these types of words will get the issue looked at faster, and so, it is added to the original petition to try to “jump the line”. These, while my heart does the odd double thump upon reading the word, I can handle, and manage to get through after a small panic attack.

Finally, it could be credible. These are the ones that worry me the most. I am deathly afraid that I will get a credible, have it misread, and then read in some news post that a life was lost.

Tonight, I had one that scared me. It was a simple statement, as part of the petition text. When talking to the customer, the talk was brief. He didn’t argue. I didn’t mention the “threat”, at the direction of my superiors. I told him why what was happening was not against the rules, and he just said “ok. thank you.” He didn’t get dramatic, or fly off the handle, as most of the people who use this for attention, or to try to get their way do. Just a simple, ok, thank you, and when asked if I could do anything else, another no, thank you. End of conversation.

I am 90% sure that this was a clever line jumping scheme, without the usual fireworks. My immediate superior is even more sure.

Let me be very VERY clear here. Our company, and my bosses, take these very seriously, and if there is any indication by their known (and more knowledgeable that mine) procedure that this is credible, the authorities ARE called. This isn’t something we fool around with.

The other 10% of me though?

That part is deathly scared that I shall read a story tomorrow. I know I am going to have nightmares, and that makes me want to NOT sleep. But I am so very tired, I know I have to.

Here’s hoping that all the bad is getting out NOW, so that the new year can be rung in, with much forward thinking and fanfare. Here’s to 2012 being a fresh start, a fresh year, and a sparkly, shiny, bright new outlook!

And not being tired.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sarah Simons
    Dec 30, 2011 @ 04:08:23

    *HUGE HUGGLES* Sorry hon! I hope this new year is much more peacful! and I also hope that we are BOTH able to completely quit the smoking! ❤

    Have a wonderful weekend, relax, and know that you did everything you could to help your customers!


  2. Dicey!
    Dec 30, 2011 @ 10:38:55

    “First, for the first time EVER, I was seriously on track for breaking the “Higher than expected” threshold for productivity in my company for the whole month – for the first time ever!”

    Woo hoo!! I’m so proud of you Pam. I remember when you first started how apprehensive you were about working with all the young uns and how slow you thought you were. We told you it would come, and it did!! ❤

    Now for the smoking, Lord knows I need to quit. We'll work on this together. I've set Jan 4th as my last cigarette day. I saw some e-cigs in the service station, I'm going to get some. I can get you some too if you want.

    As for customer service, oh yeah. I could not do it in private industry because I let a lot of people talk to a dail tone. 😛


    • Dicey!
      Dec 30, 2011 @ 10:44:42

      My screen was all wonky, I couldn’t see the rest of my text. I guess it’s telling me I talk to much.

      Girl we get suicide threats all the time. We’re supposed to take them seriously but I never do. “Pulease, you were on hold for 30 mins, you’re not going to do anything ‘click’.” “Sorry, but your crisis is not my crisis, kill yourself and I don’t have to talk to you anymore, the answer is still no” Yes I am a HORRIBLE service rep. I’ve been doing this crap for almost 30 years, I’m jaded to say the least. When you get discouraged, think of me having to try and reason with a crack head that lives under a bridge.


  3. Vicky
    Dec 30, 2011 @ 12:10:56

    OK, Dicey just made me laugh, lol!

    But more seriously, I bet you never thought you would have to play therapist without a license when you took this job. Wow!

    On the cigarette front, I would like to share what worked with my grandmother, just in case it might work with you or even the other two of you who posted here, even though I don’t know one of you very well. What worked for her was for someone she was competitive with to place a bet. OK, I know, the “C” word just happened so that might end it right there for you (maybe not for Dicey?). But here’s what worked for her: Someone she was competitive with bet her $100 that she could not quit. She never smoked again. If one of you here thinks that that might work for you, then I will make that bet. Bring it on. I’ll even make it in USD. In fact, I have $100 USD sitting right here that I never exchanged back after my last trip. LOL I’ll deliver it in person. But you have to quit for at least 6 months.


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