All of my love – and support

So. I have a friend that is going through a very very tough spot right now.

Out of the blue, a few days ago, her husband was upset over the clutter in the house, and the fact that the dishes weren’t done. An argument ensued. He ended up being physical. She had handmark bruises on her arms, and has a fractured wrist. He went to jail, and she moved out.

My friend, who is very young, is obviously going through a lot right now. It is a lot to take in. The person you love, you trust, you share your life with, has done this monumentally horrific thing, and shattered every single ounce of trust in what IS, and should be, in a normal relationship. She is hurting, and not just physically. Her heart is hurting, and she doesn’t know how to move from here.

I grew up with this. My biological father was an abuser, in every sense of the word. Physical, mental and sexual. I have seen a knife held to my mothers throat, and a gun pointed at her head. I have been beaten, seen and heard how “worthless” we were, and have had acts performed on me that a child should not EVER be exposed to. Ever.

It took DECADES of therapy to work through. It was not pleasant. It was scary, and draining, and often seemed too hard to cope with. I have, however, managed to come out of the other side, and while I have my share of neuroses, I know that I can handle most everything life has to throw at me – even if I don’t like it. I am strong. I am capable. I am worthy, and I am good. I know this without hearing the affirmations of friends, family or other. I know this, because I have come through it, and I have kept my sanity, my ability to live and love, and my ability to look forward through it. There are rough patches. There are still times that I doubt what and where I am, who I am, what I am doing, and how I am doing it. I keep on keepin’ on, because the alternative is… to not do so.

Don’t get me wrong. That alternative has been examined. I have some scars to prove it, as well as an extremely vivid memory of sitting in my garage, with the car running and the dogs locked in the house (they had a dog door to the garage, and then out to the outside so that they could do their business at night) when I was going through my divorce with my first husband. This was brought on by a panic attack – I didn’t know HOW to be an adult without being with this man. I had met him at the tender age of 18, and had lived my ENTIRE adult life with him as my spouse. I am extremely thankful that I came to my damned senses after 5 minutes or so.

This blog is for her.

Hon – I know that it is hard. I know that you want to just move on, and heal. I know that it seems as if hiding in the corner, and not acknowledging this outside of sympathy from friends and family is the easiest road. Unfortunately, easy isn’t always best. The restraining order is there for a reason. USE it. I know – GOD how I know you just want to forget and move on. Unfortunately, that isn’t possible. I know that you feel that I am not supporting when I remind you of these things – but I am! I am trying to give you the tools that you need to ensure that this works right, for YOU. You work in the same company, with shifts overlapping. The order is needed, and necessary – even if it seems like too much to deal with.

Take your time next week. Go to your mom, and start the healing process. Just please, please remember to keep YOUR safety in the first and foremost part of your thoughts, actions and plans. Make sure that the order is enforced. Texts are NOT acceptable. I know that you love – but remember the recidivism rate – and remember that you h ave made the choice that is best. Know that I always have a shoulder to cry on, and arms to hug – as well as a kiss on the forehead. I will do all of these, and gladly – in person or zen form. Know as well however, that I will also stress how to keep yourself safe, and true to YOU – because in this, YOU are my top priority.

I love you hon. Never, ever ever forget that.

 

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Vicky
    Jan 26, 2012 @ 06:22:05

    I think you have one more thing you should add to the list of things you already know about yourself: Survivor.

    Reply

  2. I'm Still Standing
    Jan 26, 2012 @ 17:46:18

    Amen!

    Reply

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