Change

All right.

I am a creature of habit. I know that this is so. I admit this. I embrace this.

My Myers Briggs personality profile stuff says that not only am I extremely introverted (go figure huh?) I am also one that does very well with a planned out, methodical way of life. I **LIKE** it that way. I like knowing that I get up, and do the same things at the same times every day (depending upon the day, of course). I have my set time for coffee, when I get dressed, when I brush teeth… I have everything that I do in very set times. Makes it easier when I can stick TO those times, and do things as I should.

This week, a LOT of change has come to my life. In some dynamic and not very good ways. When things get thrown out of whack, **I** am thrown out of whack, and not for good things.

Take the last several days for instance. Thursday, up at my normal time, drinking coffee, dressed, teeth brushed (I shower the night before), lunch packed…. and 10 minutes AFTER I am supposed to be on my way to work, husband calls. He is in Kileen – about 70 miles north of Austin. Not to worry though! The kid who lives next door, who has been helping as casual labor on his jobs, is ready to ride to the rescue, and get me to work! EXCEPT – when I go outside, no kid, no kids car. Phone husband.

No problem. He will phone Justin, who has benefited several times from help from us. (anything from 40$ until payday, to a couple of beers on an evening with the husband unit.) UMMMMM Justin is hemming and hawing about what he can and cannot do. Driving out to get me, and take me to work? In the “CAN’T column.

So – I am stuck. Can’t get to work. Can’t call in, because somehow, my available time off (without penalty) is off. My calculations of excused time don’t match up with my bosses. If I can’t get that figured out, then I am taking a hit behavior and attendance wise. (including a written warning – for ME – who has never had any kind of written ANYTHING when it comes to work…) And yet – that is where I ended up. Couldn’t get there in time for it to be even HALF a point – so….

Next – no calls (or at least none husband creature would share) about the last house on the “looked at, may wish to rent” list. This means – we must be out of the house we are in no later than Tuesday, but we have nowhere to go.

Husband unit/creature/thing has that figured out. Extended stay motel place until new place is found. EXCEPT –

One room living on opposite shifts isn’t gonna work to well.

Already – have not slept more than 6 hours or so since I got up on Thursday. Too unstable in the future, and not knowing what will happen causes PANIC (not just anxiety, but full blown “I’M GONNA DIE!!!!!” panic) attacks in me.

Husband thing got most of the stuff that we would use at the motel moved before I woke up – except the cats, my puter, and meds. Just after I woke up, he took the cats, a load of clothes, and other misc stuff over, while I drank my coffee, caught up on Facebook, and then started to dismantle my puter/pack up meds. (stupid PA has me on enough now for 10 people. Am hoping that I can get those pared down a bit when we change docs after we end up…. wherever.)

It’s funny.  Spook is the bruiser of the family – and the total scaredy cat. He was hiding in the bathroom of the VERY “efficient” extended stay room when we got there with my stuff – and only came out to crawl up under the comforter on the bed and hide as a lump there. Callie? Out, about, scouting out the new crooks and crannies, trying to get behind, on top of, or under anything she could find. (She still jumped with sudden movement though – not quite as brave as she tried to act!)

Panic attack commenced to grow stronger however, when upon hooking up my ‘puter, it would not turn on. The tremors (so remembered from my first divorce time, and NOT missed) made a comeback – fuzzy, buzzy head, inability to focus.

It is stupid, I know – but being connected is one of my “security blankets”. Kinda like having at least ½ an unread (this time) book, with the next in queue if I am past ½ way in my bag, even if going to a convenience store.. I have the “smart phone” thing from Christmas, and upgrading during the re up period on my plan, but I haven’t quite figured it out yet. >.<

A shot or four later…. taking the cover and side off to see if I could see what was happening with the switch… )When I hit it, the fans would turn on – but not the CPU. )

Wow. There was a LOT of dust in there. Having cats, and a not so airtight house, makes ‘puters suck in ALL THE THINGS! Got the dust blown out, and a damp rag over the NON board parts to clean it up all pretty like.

After clearing about a cat worth of dust and stuff out of the case, husband pushed the button on top (sans the pretty button cover) and the ‘puter finally booted up. Have a feeling that I will just be restarting, and not shutting down for a while.

Next challenge was trying to get online. ALL of my saved tabs reverted to the motel chains login page – because it turns out, they require an extra payment to use their service.

Husband critter/creature/unit/thing got that taken care of as well – and finally – I could connect!

Except.

Indeed. Except.

Latency? Yeah. Horrible. I don’t know if they have satellite, or if someone(s) in the same motel is (are) downloading ALL THE PRONS!!!!!! for their private pleasure, but my latency? Yeah. Not so much.

Going from 400/800 (not too terrible – instant cast stuff taking 1 – 2 seconds) to 15000/20000 or so… Yeah. Instant cast flight form? Took a full 30 seconds. Quest box open? Same.

SO.

Very top of the list is to NOT be in efficient efficiency place. Claustrophobia = ME, and I would probably end up killing husband, cats, or both if I had to co exist for too long in these “cozy” quarters.

To get excused (read FMLA for known issues) time figured out so that I am NOT on a warning the very first time EVER in any working situation. (My time figuring says I have a bit of wiggle room – Managers, didn’t).

Husband critter/creature/unit/thing needs to acknowledge that my getting to work, and on TIME, is of paramount importance, and if he has a contract, or other that takes him far away that happens after noon or so – it HAS to be put off. (And a damned set, 40 hour a week job would be good, as that is what I was PROMISED when we moved down here…)

The ability to log into a game, and NOT have to worry about dying because my latency is causing EVERYTHING to take too long, and me be dead by the time I realize I am being attacked…

Whiny lil brat am I – I don’t ask for much. A real home, where I have all my stuff, room to stretch out a bit, and an internet connection that doesn’t suck, would be a very good start.

EDIT:  Crappy ass connectivity likes to eat things every 1/2 hour to hour or so.  UGH!  Means relogging every hour – though, to reconnect to tabs etc.  NEED a home, DAMNIT!

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Elunamakata
    May 11, 2012 @ 17:41:31

    I’m sorry that you are having to go through this. ❤ much love lady.

    Reply

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