I’m Done

***Warning of incoming wall o’ text that may or may not crit the reader for 56432168411 damage, effectively one shotting them.  >.>  I keep looking at it, trying to figure out how to trim some fat – and am simply not able to.  Maybe like Stephen King, I have diarrhea of the word processor.  Or maybe, I simply have a LOT to say here, and need to get it worked out in words.  <.<

I promise however, that the ending won’t be horrible.  It isn’t roses and unicorn farts, but it is a good one for me, I think.

So.

As has become the norm,  it has been a while since my last post because as usual, life has gotten crazy, Lots of stuff got moved to the back burner. where it turned into a charred mess. Cleaning the pan has taken FOREVER.  (probably not the best analogy ever -but who the hell cares!  Am I right?  Y’all know what I mean to say.)

Still scrubbin’ away at the burns, and finding new places all the time but was reminded by the amazing Kit (again with the loves for Kit.  Amazing, caring, loving woman.)  She told me that she was sad because I had not posted in so long.  I told her that I hadn’t because I couldn’t find the words to describe my life right now – it has been so crazy,  my  heart was broken, and I was tender.  She replied that it sounded like the good starting point.

She had a point, so here I am.

To catch up a bit.  Last time you heard from our intrepid heroine, she was happily ensconced in a lovely apartment, with two (seemingly) incomes, in charge of funds so that things would run well – and while her work hours weren’t ideal, things were pretty damned good.

It wasn’t what everyone probably thinks. My husband has always been rather footloose and fancy free when it came to money and responsibility – and telling the truth. Even small things were lies – like where he got groceries… I don’t know in retrospect if he understood the difference.

He is 50 years old- and has never to my knowledge held a job for more than 2 years. He keeps having visions of being a big time contractor, working for himself, making the bucks, but doesn’t have the self discipline to actually -do- that. He doesn’t seem to get the concept that working for your self doesn’t mean LESS work – it means 70 hour weeks instead of 40 with a steady paycheck. It means saving from the fat weeks to cover the lean times while building the business.

His lies have become just too big – and cost me too much. In October, he went to jail unexpectedly. He had some sort of bounced check in Williamson county, and told me it was taken care of. Not so much, and he was arrested by the sheriff who was serving papers for -another- issue. (That bounced check was the same thing he was arrested for in JANUARY – and swore he had it taken care of) His family wouldn’t even help him out of jail.

I got a call from his sister stating basically that he was 50, and they couldn’t do it anymore. It is sad that both his brother and sister not only said that he needed to find his own way out – but urged me to take care of and look after myself, and offered their ears for any ranting/talking I may need to do.

I had never been more humiliated in my life. He lost his job more than 2 months prior  (near the beginning of July) and didn’t tell me – but DID run my bank account into overdraft.

Yes, I hid my card, he found it anyway. He had to have really been searching. He also stole checks out of my checkbook – two of which were paid by the bank (with heavy overdraft fees) – but one to Lowe’s that did -not- and I was working with them to get a payment plan on that – so I don’t end up with a warrant over MY head for a bad check from MY checking account. (They have since simply dropped it.)

If I have to though, I was willing to file a police report – because while I didn’t want to kick him when he was down so to speak, I refused to go to jail, or take blame for that.

I was in an extended stay motel, as the loss of his job/his not coming clean/his stealing from my checking account, and his lying meant that we had to move out of the lovely apartment  by xx date, or face eviction. Again. (This is the second or third – I am not sure about one that he swears was NOT an eviction – time he has put me in THAT position.) I didn’t have any money to pay for another night – and my paycheck for 2 weeks was less than 100 because of overdraft fees. I am blessed that my friend Sarah stepped in, and offered me and the kitties a room in her home.

I am very lucky to have the friends and dad that I have.

Right away, Sarah told me that I could come stay with them for a few weeks, while I figured out what I was going to do.  My dad sent me a bit of cash to tide me over, and help me get back on my feet. as did my lovely friend John and his beautiful bride.

I found that the storage shed, that had all of our stuff, had **also** not been paid for quite some time.  In fact, it was going to go to auction, just like that crappy reality TV show if it wasn’t paid within 10 days.  Now – I get quite a lot of swag from my job – and it can’t be sold.  That is in the agreement when you hire on.  If it had gone to auction, I was in very real danger of losing my job.  (I did go to HR, but there is still the danger of breaking contract.)  My wonderful friend Brenda (who called me every single week during the 5 years I was in MA to remind me that there were people who loved me) made sure that I got that taken care of, so I wouldn’t lose my job.

The first few days of his incarceration, my husband would call me through bail bondsmen – who would try to convince me to pay the bail.  When I stated flat out that I didn’t have the money – he got angry and told me that if I wanted to – I would find a way.  Ummm.   No.  I was the next thing to broke – even WITH the help from my friends and family.  No way could I or **would** I pay that bond.  He had bailed on the first court date, and ended up with a warrant.

Because I am beyond blessed, I was able to pay insurance on the car (another bill that had been “forgotten” – I wonder now where all the money **I** made went).  Ransom my stuff, and get it moved over to my friends house.

Of course, once I got into the storage, I found it had been pillaged.  A lot of stuff had never made it into the shed – or maybe it had been sold off.  My sewing machine and craft stuff, all of my books (less the ones I had in the extended stay for the year) my bed, my chest freezer… even more heartbreaking to me, the very first Christmas present I got from my place of employment. A lovely professional grade poker set that I had never used.  Along with two other branded poker sets that I had purchased (not the same kind) also in pristine condition.

Since these sets were in the bottom of my swag box – I don’t buy the “someone must have stolen them” line I got from the husband.  How would someone have known that that box was special?  Why the poker sets instead of the other swag that would be worth just as much?  I am guessing that was the one thing that someone felt might fetch some cash.  And it is not replaceable though the company.

While he was in jail, after I made it clear to the bondsmen he was third party calling through that I would **NOT** be paying bail, I wrote a letter.  (He couldn’t call me directly, cell phones don’t take collect calls.)

That letter let him know that I couldn’t go on the way we had been.  I had lost everything three times because of him – and I needed more stability.  I hoped that when he got out of jail, he would buckle down, get a real job and an apartment, pay his bills, and learn to live like a responsible human being.  I wasn’t filing for divorce right off.  If he could do that, and be responsible, and live that way for a year or two – we could see about dating, and see if being together was something we still wanted.

Fast forward to the end of October.  Husband gets out of jail, and shows up at my place of employment while I am out sick.  (Sick is going to become a recurring theme for the next several months.  Stress, plus strange weather and allergies played HELL with my chronic bronchitis.  /sigh)  When I get back to work, the physical safety officer calls me into her office, to make sure I was going to be ok – and to ask if they need to put a notice to other security that he could be a danger.  Not necessary, I tell her.  He isn’t physically violent, and I don’t foresee him doing anything that would put me or others in danger.

He shows up again that day.  Because I still love him even though I have left, I make some concessions.  If he is going to get a job, and start working, he does need transportation.  While I am at work, I have agreed that he could use the car.  I would pick him up, take him to work with me, and he would meet me there when I got off – and I would take him home.  Not ideal – but the best I could do.

Here’s where I started to fuck up.  There were a couple of times he would be 20 short for something – gas, or whatever, and I would “lend” it to him.  He would swear that I would see it back by XX day – and of course XX day came, and there was some excuse, some reason why he didn’t have it to give.  I kept him on my insurance plan, because he swore he would pay me the cost of it every month.  Our phone plan, same.

Then, the car died.  Like completely.  No fixin’ this puppy.  Dead.  So, I head off to rent a car for a few days, because husband swore up down and sideways that the guy he was renting a room from could find another car very easily – he actually has a business buying them at auction and flipping them.

Three weeks later – I am turning back in the rental, my Christmas bonus from work eaten up – and still no car.  No word on a car.  Husband has obtained a truck from somewhere – he says it is borrowed, for an indefinite amount of time.  Again, as before, I am depending on and relying on him to get me on time, to get to work.  And of course, there comes a time when things don’t work so well in that situation.  (Didn’t see that coming, I bet.  **rolls eyes**)

I am desperate.  I need a car, because I need to get to work.  I don’t want to lose my job on top of everything else.   Talking to the sister of my soul Julie about the whole mess.  Considering one of those places like Carmax, that will charge an outrageous amount of interest on a car – but unable to qualify anywhere else.  Again I am rocked by how blessed I am.

Julie, who worked for years to get herself and her finances back to good after going through something very similar, pops up with a figure that is in the range of what I can pull off – and then insists on loaning me the money to get a new car.  She even sends an amortization schedule, and apologizes about the interest – she will have to pay interest on it, or she wouldn’t ask for it.  (To be clear, I wouldn’t have taken it without some interest added in – she deserves something for not having that resource for the years of the payment schedule.)

I get a car – and while I am not going to go into THAT whole sad story – I should have it again soon.  >.>  Suffice to say I should have it back in the next couple of days.

Now however, I am **BACK** to relying on husband, and now – he is homeless.  He is living in the ‘borrowed’ truck – and has no money, no food, nothing.

Again, I give him some food money.  Gas for the truck.  (This helps me too – I have to get to and from work while my car is in the shop.)  I am getting low on funds – I have nothing much to fall back on. Every day, I am putting 20.00 of gas in the truck, and I simply don’t have the income to sustain that.

Husband finds a place to stay – a place where down on their luck musicians can “volunteer” 20 hours a week or so to cleaning up the property in exchange for the use of a camping trailer.  No electricity or running water – but a roof.  There are fire pits to cook over.  He gets a job with a temp company, and says that he has been offered a permanent full time job with the company that he is doing work for.

EXCEPT.  Yeah.  Except – he calls me one night, drunk, and tells me that he likes the ranch – that if it gets its funding, he could have a job there.  He doesn’t want to take that guaranteed job, he would rather do the volunteer stuff on the ranch, and maybe get foodstamps.  When I say that he has to make his own choices for what he wants out of his life – he comes up with “I would be doing it for US!”

Um….   what?  Really?  Yeah.  No.  I don’t think so.

Next day – he tells me that he wasn’t serious the night before, and if he did get the guaranteed job, he would take it.

EXCEPT – one week later – almost two weeks ago – I come out of work at 10.45, and he is not there to pick me up.  I call, and he says he got stuck – but he will be there in half an hour.  An hour goes by – and still no husband.  I try to call – no answer.  I try again at  midnight, and again at 12.15.  No answer.

I was waiting for the last shift to get off at 1.30 – I had been offered a ride home by a couple of people if I was still there when their shift ended.  I was saved however, by my room mate, who realized that I wasn’t home yet- called to make sure I was ok, and then insisted on getting OUT of bed to come get me.  ❤

She and her husband had discussed it – and if she didn’t need his car (he is driving hers while she looks for a job) I could take it to and from work til mine was finished.  When she has needed it – she takes me to work, and I try to find a ride home.

Husband **DID** leave me an email the next day – saying that if I needed a ride to work, let him know.  I didn’t answer it.  Not going to put myself in that position again.

I **DID** call him however, when I found out that our shared phone plan had gone over on data (I don’t use my phone as a computer.  Ever.  The data is all him.)  He didn’t answer, so I left a message telling him that I couldn’t afford the regular bill, much less the overage.  He needed to stop with the data.

I have talked to my phone carrier – and it pisses me off, because though mine is the name on the account – I can’t remove him unless he agrees to take over financial responsibility for his phone.  Like that is going to happen.  >.<  I think I might at least see about dropping the plan to the bare minimum on data – and I have already pin locked the account so it can’t have changes made to it.  I have also requested that we have a hard cap on data – once it is gone – it is gone.

Next, I have talked to my HR rep at work about what would be needed (legal separation vs full on divorce) to remove him from my health insurance.  I could really use that extra 140.00 or so a month.

I have a feeling that the drunk phone call was his real feelings.  He would rather have a life of minimal responsibility – even if it means some discomfort.  Whatever.  That is NOT the life I choose for myself.  I am on the road to fully truly and finally getting rid of the concrete block that I have chained myself to.
I feel like I have just thrown away the last 10 years of my life – and I come out of this infinitely poorer in all respects. I have given up everything twice (or thrice?) for him.  I never ever wanted to become a statistic.  I swore I would never be in one broken marriage, much less two.

I am strong, and I am resilient, and I know I will get through this. It is overwhelming now – and my heart is breaking in the process. As childish, and irresponsible and outright untruthful as he is – I do love my husband. I just can’t do this anymore. When we moved to TX for this job, 5 years ago he promised me that he would get a normal, 40/week job, and with me doing the budgeting, we could have a REAL NORMAL (as normal as one can have) life. That promise hasn’t been kept – and now, I find myself living in a strange house, borrowing money from friends and my dad, and trying to mend my heart.

I hope that at some point, he really stops to THINK about things, and actually come out with a plan to be more responsible as well. I hope he can find enough love for himself that he stops skating through life, and starts living it. I don’t see that happening however. At 50, I don’t see him really making that connection. And that makes me incredibly sad.

At one point, my mindset was this:

“I don’t think he will really change, but if he did – if he actually spent a couple of years learning to and doing the right thing – I might consider it. I do love him. He has to be responsible for himself, or not.”

That has changed.  I don’t know that I would or COULD ever trust that he had changed.  I feel like I have been a resource – not a love. I won’t be the sometime crutch anymore.

I am currently taking Xanax (on a very occasional basis – the first 30 day script lasted me almost 5 months…) because I have been having anxiety/panic attacks again.  I am hoping that that need will ease up soon.  I am considering trying to find a counselor that I can click with if I feel the need to talk/work through things – or I might just subject y’all to more walls o’ text.  >.>

A wonderful meme I found somewhere (or someone else found and I stole – I forget which) said this:

“When someone loves you, they don’t have to say it. You can tell by the way they treat you.”

How very true!  How very real. How very very much I need to see, hear and remember this.

Now – the most important part of my blog.
A LOT of the strength, inspiration and courage to jump, and cut the ties, has been wormed into my brain by an amazing woman.

I can’t even begin to be as elegant and beautiful a writer as she is – not to mention so full of class and just bad ass – but I am doing my best to emulate.

Elisa Romero – published author and wonderful woman, went through her own marriage meltdown fairly recently.  Reading her posts, her words, and seeing her strength and beauty, have been an inspiration.  Y’all should really read her blog!  It is amazing.  ❤

Angels and Forever

She is amazing, and this may have you searching for her on Amazon!

Madison’s Gate  Just one of her many books.  ❤

I love you all so much for sticking through this novel with me.  Remember – as long and rambling as it was – I truncated a LOT.  >.>

Be good, be happy and be real.  That is what I plan to do.  ❤

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Random Ramblings, or how I got my job.

I swear. It has been a heck of a week – and another to follow. As I said a couple of weeks ago – time off blackout, and mandatory OT. This equals cranky ME, as I am not getting the wind down time I need.

Along with cranky, I am jealous of everyone who is able to play right now when everything is new and shiny!  (extended play is what I am talking about here.  During the week, I don’t do much more than check auctions, and maybe a daily cooking/fishing quest.  Or not.  Depends on how tired I am – and with OT – I will be tired.)

Add to this the first plague to hit the office of the season, and WHEEEEEEE!!!  (NOT.  Just in case you took me seriously on the dizzy joy.)

So, with everyone around me coughing, sniffling, sneezing, what do you think is happening? Yup. And not able to even **think** about taking a day until after the madness is over.  (Seriously thinking about a day mid October though – make a long weekend to play away, even if it IS still in the seventh level of hell known as extended stay living).

There are oh so many girls to level, and gear, and so much STUFF to do this time around! While I know that yet again, I won’t be able to put the focus into learning my character/spec well enough, or gearing well enough to raid with my guild, (not to mention – the raiding times are smack dab in the middle of my work night), I will have MUCH to occupy my time, and so far, I am LOVING this one! So very beautiful to look at. Fun, engaging, and like I said – a LOT of stuff to choose from to do, with more coming as I get to level cap (again).

This “weekend” was mostly futzing around. I did get one of my Druids to 86, and the Raid Leader of my guild was kind enough to let my seriously undergeared/not played enough to know the new rotations etc girlie go with them into a dungeon.

Props to the guild mates and one pugger that were there – it was a smooth run thanks to them. AND – I got to see a little bit of the content that I probably wouldn’t have seen for a long while! (I don’t do purely random groups. Falls way WAY outside of my comfort zone.)

Of course, nothing dropped that my girl could even remotely use. Remember? Random hates me – especially in game.

I may whine about having to work, and not being able to play, but I still remember how awesomely exciting and nerve wracking it was getting this job. I don’t regret it, then or now.

Back in Massachusetts 2008 our business was slowing folding, and I was desperately looking for a job. We had just lost the chance to adopt my nephew (too little notice, and too much paperwork to do an interstate adoption before the county placed him), and were considering moving to another state.

I sat down at my computer, to read the forums of the game company that put out the game I was obsessed with. Every week or so, someone would post a “how do I become a GM?” thread. This time, there was a forum agent to answer, and he supplied a link to the job opps page for the company.

With the great forethought and wisdom brought on by a few glasses of wine, I thought “Why the hell not! Might as well.” Texas was one of the states we were considering moving to, so….

Pulled out the old resume, made a cover letter, and sent it off. Didn’t expect much. I didn’t have any customer service experience really – most of my work history had been back office sort of stuff. The only thing I had going for me, was the fact that we were willing to move to Texas without move reimbursement, and a passion for the company, and the games it makes.

This was sent in in October 2008, and when I didn’t hear anything after a month or so, I forgot about it.

Come the end of December, my phone rings, with a number (area code even) that I don’t recognize, and I almost don’t answer. I am playin’ my game, damnit, and don’t want to have to fight off a telemarketer or some other! And yet – I hit the answer button. Best thing I ever did.

“Hi there. Is Pam available?”

“May I ask who’s calling?”

“This is ________ With **game company**.”

“ARE YOU SHITTING ME?” (Yes. This actually came out of my mouth on a phone call from a prospective employer. Not my normal mode of being. I blame the fact that it was almost 9pm my time, I had had a couple of glasses of wine, and was playing/relaxing/talking trash with my guildies).

“**laughs** Nope. Do you have a couple of minutes to talk?”

“Sure. Let me just get my girl to a safe… aw hell. If she dies, she dies!”

“Are you sure? (I can just picture the googly eyes here. He had to be thinking I was a bit… unstable at this point) I can wait a moment…”

And that is how it began. I guess I somehow impressed him with the call (though I don’t see how that could be – maybe by this point they were desperate for bodies? ) because we set up an interview for me on January 21 2009.

My dad came through – lent me the plane fare (which I still owe him. I haven’t forgotten Dad! Really! If life and spendthrift husband stop messin’ with me, **or I get both of them beaten into submission  (kidding!  kind of.)  I will be able to get to you, and everyone else that I owe. I am just sorry it is taking so infernally long.)

Got down to Texas, and stayed with my Sister in law in San Antonio. Meant a bit of a drive (tech, game studios and what not tend to migrate to Austin, where the motto is “Keep Austin Weird”. Go figure. ) for the interview, but with the loan of her Tom Tom, even **I** (who can’t find my way out of a wet paper bag with a knife) was able to make the trek from city to city without a wrong turn. Interviewed, and was told that it would be a couple of weeks before final determination was made – patience!

Hubster and I had already decided that yes or no on this job, we were going to bite the bullet and move here. The interview seemed a sign. We were going to move anyway, and one way tickets are much cheaper than round trip. I would stay down here while I waited to see if I got the job (and apply for others just in case) and he would pack up the house and cart himself, the cats, and our stuff with the car and a trailer.

When it rains, it pours. I was shifting from my Sister in law’s house to an extended stay room (better than this one – I lucked into a special needs room, which are MUCH bigger – to allow for wheels and such) when I got not one call, but two offering jobs – and one was the one I really wanted.

There was a hitch however. Next training class wasn’t going to start for a while. Not sure how long – but within the next couple of months. Sigh. It was a good thing that my scouring of Craig’s list had found a job for the hubster. We couldn’t move out of the hotel, because we had to have proof of employment for both of us, (and then first/last/security) but we could afford to live.

Fast forward TWO months. I get a phone call on Friday the 17th of April, asking if I can begin training on Monday the 20th? (hows that for a good amount of prep time, eh? ) Zoom zoom zoom – called the management company we had been working with (in prep, and just waiting for proof of income) and begged. I had to sign non disclosure paper work and such before I could have anything stating my employment by the studio. Management person took pity, and agreed to rent, with the condition that I get the letter of employment to him the next week. That, combined with the loan of First/Last/Security from my friend Jenn, (mostly paid off – but still owe a bit. Making it a priority now that hubster is full time again, along with getting INTO a real place to live again!) got us in place just in time to start training.

And – that is how I got the awesome job I have. Even if it means not getting to play with everyone else sometimes. I have been here almost 3.5 years now – and am fast closing in on my five year sword. While I have stated that I wish to stay with my company until I retire, it is nice to have large goals broken down into smaller ones. For right now – my goal is to make it to five years for that sword.

Why? Because its a SWORD damnit!

Enough of my ramblin’! Reading time (Yay!) and then to bed – perchance to dream… or at least to be somewhat aware tomorrow for my Monday at work. Hope where ever y’all are, you have (or are having) a great weekend! ❤

Catch Up Time!

It is a me!

And while things are still crazy pants in the fashionably strapped jacket sort of way, I thought I might just go ahead and share some of it. Maybe it will make me less crazy, and more… BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Who am I kidding?

Have to say right off the bat – sorry Dad for any language. I will try, but I can’t guarantee there won’t be a bomb here or there. >.<

ANYway. Still here, still living, as is the hubster. (though he is on rather… thin ice. >.<)

STILL in ~ 100 – 150 Sq feet room with lil kitchenette and bath from hell. Looks to be at least DECEMBER before I can hope to live like a real, not… less than dependable member of society. /sigh. At least it is a roof. He did remember that I promised to cut him if I ended up under the overpass… and I didn’t end up there… HOWEVER.

Yeah. Money shot to hell and back again. I had had the brilliant idea of handing control over to him, as I couldn’t seem to get him to live by a budget of my making. Reverse psychology at its worst.

The thinking was this – I was supposed to have control of the money initially, and get us on track. He kept finding ways to make that NOT happen – up to and including not handing money over for jobs, taking money out of my purse, or wherever I hid it, ninjaing my debit card… SO – I had told him that I was tired. Giving up. He wanted to do the money thing? Figure the budget and how to pay everything with a variable income? He could have it. If I ended up under a bridge, or without internet, I would cut him. HE said that he was happy for the challenge. Just wait and see. It would be brilliant. Ummmm. Yeah.

Turns out – the house that he was supposedly “fixing up before they would rent to us”?

Not so much. He says they had a rental agreement (that the landlord broke – and since it was “handshake” he doesn’t have any proof) – but I think he is trying to save face, and to his face, I am letting him. However, my thoughts are as follows:

He had the job to fix it, but not to rent it. The money got spent. He didn’t have a back up – and now, we didn’t have a place to go, nor deposit/last month to get there. Stuff in storage, (with back payments owed, so I can’t even get into it to get books to read, or more clothing) bank account overdrawn, and he is pawning tools he needs to work, to pay basics, because my entire paycheck is now being swallowed by overdraft + fees. He fell behind, and… yeah. UGH. Lies to me time.

Let me get this straight right now. I ABHOR lies. Absolutely. Completely. I have told him AD NAUSEUM that lying is the very WORST thing he can do. Tell me the truth and I may be temporarily angry – lie to me and that shit stews. Seriously. Because I CANNOT take the next thing you say at face value now – and I need STABILITY damn it! Even if that stability has very very thin and whittled supports. They can be shored up, and eventually replaced. Keep shoring rotten supports? Without truly fixing them, even one at a time?

That building is eventually gonna fall down.

I have discussed before that stability is necessary for me to function. Take it away, and I don’t do so good. I like a schedule. I like stability. Hell. I used to LAMINATE my monthly budgets, so that I could use whiteboard markers if needed – and yet keep the basics there. (I know. Obsessive much? Still after a divorce, and multiple starting wage positions after so long – money, where it is and where it is going to BE is an important thing!)

So – paychecks are being swallowed whole by bank. Husbster doesn’t have a 40 hour a week job still. We have a “come to Jesus” talk, where I lay it out. He needs 40 hours. No more Mr. Big Time Contractor dreams. He cannot manage himself, or money well enough for that. 40 hours, where they take the taxes out, and he has to report to someone. NOW. My job is (or was… more on that later – not this blog, which looks to be headed towards the LONG side already) stable, with fantastic benefits and bonuses, but it doesn’t quite pay enough (hourly) to support one, much less two people. >.<

He did step up – and so far, it seems he has gotten himself into a decent place  (making good money, doing what he does best, for a guy that seems pretty standup…) .

He is currently working for an engineer who has some pretty hefty credentials on the East Coast, trying to break into the contracting business here in TX. Pay is good, at least for this 60 day eval phase. Boss seems to be pretty cool (there have been a few… issues these first few weeks, and he has stepped in and helped. He is either the most trusting man from New Jersey EVAR!, or he is truly impressed with the work that Pete does). Don’t get me wrong. Pete is FANTASTIC at what he does. He does a good job. He just needs that oversight to do it when he is supposed to. /sigh.

Onward. Money? The hubster got my bank account overdrawn to the point that ALL my pay for the month of May was sucked into a morass of overdraft fees. No end in sight. I went to my HR and set it up so that it wouldn’t be direct deposited anymore. (the bank WILL be paid. Just at a rate that leaves me money to live. Seriously.) AND, since I don’t have a ‘real’ address to mail a check to, they are having it delivered to the office. HOWEVER.

/sigh. After the first, flawless transition check, it has been a nightmare. My company decided to change payroll processors. >.<

Two weeks ago? Check wasn’t there when I went in on Saturday. (It is supposed to be there on Friday, but I couldn’t get there – Pete was working, so I didn’t have a way to get down to the office.) No problem – I had been told that if I didn’t make it for some reason on Fridays, it would be put in my team leads office, for me to get from him on Saturday (which is my new Monday work schedule wise).

EXCEPT – it wasn’t there. Team Lead hits up HR at home – and turns out that if it was mailed, it may be in the **LOCKED** mailbox – and I won’t be able to get it til Monday. /sigh. Makes things a bit tough – but Pete can pawn another tool for a night or two in the “inn”, an we will tough it out. EXCEPT –

it isn’t there Monday either. HR calls – and they say it is in the mail. Will be there that afternoon – or Tuesday at the latest.

Not so much. It isn’t til TUESDAY – that they admit that they direct deposited it to the account it wasn’t supposed to go to – and were trying to get it back, to send it out.

Head of HR in Austin steps in and says “NOT ACCEPTABLE!” It should never have gone there in the first place – and they need to cut a check – Fedex it, and THEN figure out how to reclaim from the bank.

Finally, the following Wednesday, I have my check.

Ok. Now, I am sitting down to do a budget, figure out with the money Pete is bringing in, what we can do – when we can do it… (Including re accessing storage, where my STUFF is, including NOT my stuff, like Mrs Kitters cook book that she loaned me and wants back – but I can’t get to until the past two months have been paid…)
***IT MUST BE SAID HERE***  That I have taken money BACK!  I have threatened Pete with more than cutting if I don’t see every penny of his check, every Friday from now on!  I will make sure that he has enough to fill the van every week with gas – and that there is a certain amount budgeted in as “miscellaneous” so that he can buy… whatever – so long as it includes wine for me!  I am GOING to have my glass of wine every night, damnit!

Get a budget – figure this weekend – TODAY – we will be able to get started paying everyone back, and saving money to move into a REAL place – where my stuff is!  With Pete having awesome pay – it can even be a NICE place – since we have to pay through the nose anyway – and at this point, he owes me 500000521354694 times, and at this rate, must kiss my butt til the sun explodes, and then falls back in on itself  At that point, he will ALMOST have made it up. >.< ( Not to mention – books for me to read, and Kits book)

EXCEPT – echos of two weeks ago. I show up at office on Friday – no check. Used to be (with old payroll company I guess) any checks coming to the office were sent to corporate headquarters in CA, then Fedexed to Austin by our HR out there. That way, there were tracking numbers and such – and they could trace it.

HR CA says that it didn’t go through them – payroll processing sent all mail direct – through the USPS. /sigh

There are a couple of problems here. While they say they have my address as the office in ATX address – they ALSO said last time that they had mailed it – when they had direct deposited to a bank where the DD had been removed. If they mailed it – but to my old address, it would end up being returned to sender – and the old post office was TERRIBAD about being on time. Seriously. Took two months for a Christmas card that I sent around Thanksgiving to get to AZ from TX >,< Not to mention OTHER things, that just never made it, to, or from.

So – as the receptionist (who does the mail thing) isn’t in on weekends, it looks like I wait again, until at least Monday to see if I have a check – or if they flubbed again. Gotta say – I am NOT enamored of the new payroll service so far. >.<

Need to get a new bank set up – with direct deposit again – so that I can live -and still pay the old bank off. (Not to mention everyone else. /sigh) Pete will end up pawning tools again, just to buy gas/groceries (because we were naive. I figured they screwed up the first time – they would triple check this time, but NO!) until I have the check. So – no books out of storage until probably NEXT weekend. Have to try to stretch what I am reading now, I guess. ( and it is HARD! Of course, because my reading material is limited, reading is ALL I want to do! >.< Contrary should be my middle damned name)

Trying hard to keep a positive face on this. There are other things that have happened in the last couple of months that have set me back, and I am trying desperately to work it all out – and still stay somewhat sane!

Gonna try to keep up here – one thing that DID seem to make it to this room ( though was buried in the closet for a bit) was some of my crafting stuff. Some yarn, my crochet hooks and knitting needles…. my lil cross stitch Christmas ornament stuff. Gonna try to get some of that done, and then maybe – PICTURES! ❤

Change

All right.

I am a creature of habit. I know that this is so. I admit this. I embrace this.

My Myers Briggs personality profile stuff says that not only am I extremely introverted (go figure huh?) I am also one that does very well with a planned out, methodical way of life. I **LIKE** it that way. I like knowing that I get up, and do the same things at the same times every day (depending upon the day, of course). I have my set time for coffee, when I get dressed, when I brush teeth… I have everything that I do in very set times. Makes it easier when I can stick TO those times, and do things as I should.

This week, a LOT of change has come to my life. In some dynamic and not very good ways. When things get thrown out of whack, **I** am thrown out of whack, and not for good things.

Take the last several days for instance. Thursday, up at my normal time, drinking coffee, dressed, teeth brushed (I shower the night before), lunch packed…. and 10 minutes AFTER I am supposed to be on my way to work, husband calls. He is in Kileen – about 70 miles north of Austin. Not to worry though! The kid who lives next door, who has been helping as casual labor on his jobs, is ready to ride to the rescue, and get me to work! EXCEPT – when I go outside, no kid, no kids car. Phone husband.

No problem. He will phone Justin, who has benefited several times from help from us. (anything from 40$ until payday, to a couple of beers on an evening with the husband unit.) UMMMMM Justin is hemming and hawing about what he can and cannot do. Driving out to get me, and take me to work? In the “CAN’T column.

So – I am stuck. Can’t get to work. Can’t call in, because somehow, my available time off (without penalty) is off. My calculations of excused time don’t match up with my bosses. If I can’t get that figured out, then I am taking a hit behavior and attendance wise. (including a written warning – for ME – who has never had any kind of written ANYTHING when it comes to work…) And yet – that is where I ended up. Couldn’t get there in time for it to be even HALF a point – so….

Next – no calls (or at least none husband creature would share) about the last house on the “looked at, may wish to rent” list. This means – we must be out of the house we are in no later than Tuesday, but we have nowhere to go.

Husband unit/creature/thing has that figured out. Extended stay motel place until new place is found. EXCEPT –

One room living on opposite shifts isn’t gonna work to well.

Already – have not slept more than 6 hours or so since I got up on Thursday. Too unstable in the future, and not knowing what will happen causes PANIC (not just anxiety, but full blown “I’M GONNA DIE!!!!!” panic) attacks in me.

Husband thing got most of the stuff that we would use at the motel moved before I woke up – except the cats, my puter, and meds. Just after I woke up, he took the cats, a load of clothes, and other misc stuff over, while I drank my coffee, caught up on Facebook, and then started to dismantle my puter/pack up meds. (stupid PA has me on enough now for 10 people. Am hoping that I can get those pared down a bit when we change docs after we end up…. wherever.)

It’s funny.  Spook is the bruiser of the family – and the total scaredy cat. He was hiding in the bathroom of the VERY “efficient” extended stay room when we got there with my stuff – and only came out to crawl up under the comforter on the bed and hide as a lump there. Callie? Out, about, scouting out the new crooks and crannies, trying to get behind, on top of, or under anything she could find. (She still jumped with sudden movement though – not quite as brave as she tried to act!)

Panic attack commenced to grow stronger however, when upon hooking up my ‘puter, it would not turn on. The tremors (so remembered from my first divorce time, and NOT missed) made a comeback – fuzzy, buzzy head, inability to focus.

It is stupid, I know – but being connected is one of my “security blankets”. Kinda like having at least ½ an unread (this time) book, with the next in queue if I am past ½ way in my bag, even if going to a convenience store.. I have the “smart phone” thing from Christmas, and upgrading during the re up period on my plan, but I haven’t quite figured it out yet. >.<

A shot or four later…. taking the cover and side off to see if I could see what was happening with the switch… )When I hit it, the fans would turn on – but not the CPU. )

Wow. There was a LOT of dust in there. Having cats, and a not so airtight house, makes ‘puters suck in ALL THE THINGS! Got the dust blown out, and a damp rag over the NON board parts to clean it up all pretty like.

After clearing about a cat worth of dust and stuff out of the case, husband pushed the button on top (sans the pretty button cover) and the ‘puter finally booted up. Have a feeling that I will just be restarting, and not shutting down for a while.

Next challenge was trying to get online. ALL of my saved tabs reverted to the motel chains login page – because it turns out, they require an extra payment to use their service.

Husband critter/creature/unit/thing got that taken care of as well – and finally – I could connect!

Except.

Indeed. Except.

Latency? Yeah. Horrible. I don’t know if they have satellite, or if someone(s) in the same motel is (are) downloading ALL THE PRONS!!!!!! for their private pleasure, but my latency? Yeah. Not so much.

Going from 400/800 (not too terrible – instant cast stuff taking 1 – 2 seconds) to 15000/20000 or so… Yeah. Instant cast flight form? Took a full 30 seconds. Quest box open? Same.

SO.

Very top of the list is to NOT be in efficient efficiency place. Claustrophobia = ME, and I would probably end up killing husband, cats, or both if I had to co exist for too long in these “cozy” quarters.

To get excused (read FMLA for known issues) time figured out so that I am NOT on a warning the very first time EVER in any working situation. (My time figuring says I have a bit of wiggle room – Managers, didn’t).

Husband critter/creature/unit/thing needs to acknowledge that my getting to work, and on TIME, is of paramount importance, and if he has a contract, or other that takes him far away that happens after noon or so – it HAS to be put off. (And a damned set, 40 hour a week job would be good, as that is what I was PROMISED when we moved down here…)

The ability to log into a game, and NOT have to worry about dying because my latency is causing EVERYTHING to take too long, and me be dead by the time I realize I am being attacked…

Whiny lil brat am I – I don’t ask for much. A real home, where I have all my stuff, room to stretch out a bit, and an internet connection that doesn’t suck, would be a very good start.

EDIT:  Crappy ass connectivity likes to eat things every 1/2 hour to hour or so.  UGH!  Means relogging every hour – though, to reconnect to tabs etc.  NEED a home, DAMNIT!

Panic Attack Incoming…

So.

It is April 2, and I am still in the ghetto.

That’s right. The move? Didn’t happen so much. At least not yet. We haven’t signed a lease, and are paying out the nose to live here this month.

I think that the husband-creature (yup. Stole that Lainey! It was the perfect descriptive, and I have made it mine! I shall hug it, and squeeze, it, and call it “George”.) was procrastinating because he had his heart set on a house in Round Rock that he had heard about from one of the guys he has been doing work for.

More expensive than I would like to pay – and looked kinda dumpy when I saw a pic of the outside, as well as kinda… lacking with the (not so much to scale) floor plan Pete had drawn at my request. The meeting with the owner of this house didn’t happen until last Wednesday however, and by that time, I already knew that we weren’t going to be moving. I mean really. Saturday ended the month. 3 days to pack, haul ass (and everything else) cross town, and then clean? Uh. Huh.

Turns out, Pete has been hitting up each realtor that shows this place, for places to look at/rent. Now, God willin’ and the creek don’t rise, he is **supposed** to be looking at several tomorrow. (Today for those of you that have real schedules, where you go to bed when it is dark, wake up in the morning, and live in the sunshine.)

I went through the list that one realtor had sent – 49 properties, most of them right around the price of the place in Round Rock. Turns out rents are NOT cheap anywhere here, and closer to work, even more so. (savings would come from less gas for the beast that Pete drives, in getting me to and from work – that van can suck it down – and it won’t have anything less than premium gas, or it gags. >.< Have I said I hate that van?!?)

That still might be what we do – however, if he still has the house in Round Rock in mind, then I have put in MY preference. The places are roughly the same difference from my workplace as each other – in different directions.

For the same price as the house in Round Rock, I found one in Leander. Bigger, brighter, airier, with both a fireplace AND a garden tub… (HELLO bubbles and bubbles nights! How I have missed you!)

** Side note – when I was going through the separation and divorce with my first husband, I had what I called “Bubbles and bubbles” Friday. Every Friday, I would fill the tub full of hot water with enough bubbles to walk on, set an ice bucket with ice and a bottle of champagne next to it, sometimes add a small piece of very good dark chocolate, and have…. bubbles! And bubbles! I would spend a couple hours in the tub, reading, nibbling the chocolate (if I had it), and drinking AAAALLLL the champagne. Big toe to turn on the hot water again when it started to cool….. End the night with a fire, and more reading…. very effective way to unwind!

ANYWAY – IF he really does want the house in Round Rock as first choice, I am going to lobby for the one in Leander instead. Same monies, MUCH MUCH (have I said much?) nicer. If I have to pay through the nose, I want it to be worth it, damnit!

So- he is looking tomorrow while I sleep. We shall see what comes out of it, and if I really will have a new place to call “home” for a while within the next couple of weeks!

On another note – work has a blackout for all of May, which means I can’t rock the celebration of Memorial Day! /sad. If I had put in a couple months early and been approved, it would probably have been O.K. Now however? Not so much. During time off black outs, unscheduled absences have to be for extreme reasons – death, dismemberment, coma… SO –

I decided that I would just go ahead and do my rememberin’ a month early! Takin’ off the Friday/Monday that bracket the last weekend of April! Long weekend before crunch time!

Here’s hopin’ that I can spend at least one “night” of that weekend, in a nice tub (one that fits someone larger than a 2 year old, and deep enough that the water at LEAST covers the legs) with a bottle of champagne, and a piece of good, dark chocolate, a fantastic book, followed by a fire! I don’t care if it is 120 degrees outside. I MISS a fireplace. If I have one, at least one fire will be burned – even if I have to turn down the AC to 65 degrees to ensure we don’t suffocate!

My First Love

I love to read. Reading for me, has always been my escape. It has been my magic wardrobe, teleporting me AWAY. Away to worlds of magic, and space. Future and past. High adventure, and deep learning. When the world around seems too much to bear, escaping into a book, and being elsewhere for a bit is one way for me to calm and recenter.  Add a warm cat (or cats) on the lap, a glass of wine, and a nice rainy afternoon, and you have something very close to heaven, in my opinion.

I have been reading a lot this week. The bout of Bronchitis that I had at the first of the month? I thought it was gone, but I was wrong. It came back with a right to the kisser – complete with fevers, aches, coughs, clogged ucky blechy non goodness. I have been out of work all week on doctors orders. God willin’ and the creek don’t rise, I will be back to work on Tuesday. (Monday was already scheduled off. Felt the need to celebrate the birth of some presidents, don’tcha know!) Most of this week has been lived in my chair (laying down was and still is a no go – drown in my own blech). Asleep for a couple hours, awake for an hour. Only in the last day or so, have I been awake more than asleep. Reading has been filling the waking hours, when there was no energy for anything else.

Part of reading for me, is the sheer sensual pleasure of a book. The smell of the paper, the rustle of pages, the feeling of progression (and some little bit of sadness for inevitable endings, with a gripping story) as pages transfer from the right to the left through the reading, The look of a well stocked bookcase, inviting browsing and finding that perfect world to fall into for a while…

I had put off getting an ereader because I wasn’t sure that I would like it. So many of the tactile parts of reading would be missing. At this point, it would be… words on a screen.

When my Dad sent me a Kindle for my birthday, I decided that it was time to try. I am glad that he went with a basic Kindle. These have what is called “e ink”, not backlighting. This means that I need to have ambient light if I want to read, but I don’t have to worry about the lighted screen headaches. I already look at lighted screens a LOT. Reading gets me away from that.

I have been getting good use out of my Kindle. As I stated in a previous blog, my anniversary present this year was The Dresden Files collection, and I got it on the Kindle. I have to say, I had an enormous amount of fun reading these books, and will definitely be reading them again!

I read, and re read, and re re read books. I love to revisit places, and always find some new thing that I hadn’t noticed in previous visits. I don’t have any one particular genre I read. I love anything that is well written. It doesn’t have to be weighty, or full of hidden meaning. Sometimes, a good story can be just a good story and valuable for that alone, regardless of what my lit teachers tried so hard to get me to believe. So there. Pbfthpbfthpbfth. (See how mature I am? RASPBERRIES!)

One of the pluses that I found right of the bat, is how light and portable this thing is.

I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in both of my hands, and holding books, especially large meaty ones, tends to make my hands cramp up, fingers get numb, and things just all round unpleasant. This is alleviated somewhat by using a book holder from Bookmatesplus.

I found these marvelous book covers when I still lived in Denver. They have thin but flexible strips of metal in them, that allows a book to be closed, and yet will hold rigid when open. Add a see through, snap on plastic strap, and the book is held open, so that if one has a place to prop it, no hands at all are needed. If no place is available, it is still easier on the hands to hold the book like a platter – resting on the palm of the hand rather than cupped between fingers and thumb.

I still have a couple of these lying around, and of course Bookmatesplus isn’t going to lose my business any time soon. I go through these things. When I say I read a lot, I mean a LOT. This does cause some wear and tear, and eventually, I wear and tear them to pieces. And while I do see myself buying books for the Kindle more often, I still love used bookstores, and still have a large collection of books that I am not going to duplicate on the Kindle. I just can’t see paying a new book price for a book I already have, or can easily get from a half priced bookstore due to popularity/age. (especially since publishers still have these electronic books priced at regular, printed book prices.)

I can see how handy it could be for traveling too. When I go anywhere, I take a mini library with me. I am terrified of running out of stuff to read. Even here in town, if I am half way through a book, I will have the next one in my bag as well – even if I am just going to work, and may only get a few pages read in the time I am gone. It is kind of a security blanket for me. Going somewhere for a week? I will usually have at least 10 books in my bags. My husband laughs at me, but hey! I am prepared!

Now, once my collection has grown a bit, it could very well be that all of my reading material for a trip will be easily stored in one small thin, light little doo hickey! It is going to be a while however, before that happens.

I am kind of anal about reading. I like to read things in order – from first to last. I will often hold off reading a series until they are all out. If the series is protracted, I have been known to read each book as it comes out, after having read all the predecessors immediately prior. (Yes. This does mean that when I read the Harry Potter books, The Sorcer’s Stone was read at least 7 times before I read The Deathly Hollows.) Laugh if y’all want to, my husband does. It amuses some of my friends as well. What can I say? I yam what I yam.

This does pose a problem for some of the longer lived series I have. Take for instance, Jean Auel’s Earth Children series.

I started reading these books back in 1980, when she wrote Clan of the Cave Bear. It has taken her 30 years, but she finally published the last book last year. I hadn’t been able to get it, but it was on my list of things to do. I finally broke down, and bought it, for the Kindle. Now of course, I have to reread the first 5 before I can read the 6th on the kindle. (I do cheat a bit. She repeats herself sometimes, and I kinda glaze over that stuff. Still, the meat of the story gets re read.) If I were going on a trip, I would still be lugging the first 5 (or however many of them I had left to read) and the 6th on the Kindle. Still, one less multi inch thick book is that much less weight. Am I right?

Eventually of course, I will have more series, like The Dresden Files, that are completely on the reader. However, I won’t be choosing books to read based on portability. As always, I will make the choice based on what world, or kind of world, I want to visit this time! If that means 10 or more regular old books, and the trusty old cover, so be it!

For now, I am roaming the Continental steppes of the last Ice Age, with Ayla and Jondalar. I am spending the winter with the Mamutoi, in agonies about who will win the girls heart? The tall blue eyed Jondalar? Or the flashing eyed, dark skinned Ranec? Of course I know. Still. I can be excited, and breathless and find myself eager to read what comes next. I can muse, in the very depths of my secret child heart that some book fairy maybe waved a wand and changed it… Even if that didn’t happen, I KNOW that I will find some little nugget, some treasure, that has been passed over, or not seen in the previous readings of the book. Old beloved friends, who even after a lifetime of knowing, can astonish and delight.

How much better than that can it get?

Six years, he still lives! And other news.

So.

Saturday is my 6th anniversary with the hubster.  We intend to celebrate in fine style.  No people filled noisy places, no traffic, no muss.  We decided that we would rather make a nice supper here, and just…  hang out. Together.  What a concept!

Usually, our time in the same room ends up with  him surfing the TV while surfing the internet for sports stories, news articles, and the occasional “free” porn.  I have tried to scare him off of the last.   /sigh One of the reasons that “he still lives” is part of the title.  BTW – man drives me absolutely nuts, and if he didn’t make me laugh often enough, well… lets just say he still lives!

Side note here:  People – anything that says “sex” and “free” in the same sentence, ESPECIALLY on the internet, means you are paying for it somehow!  He has killed one lap top with viruses, web hijackers, trojans, and other nasty things.  Gained through frequent and repeated surfing of these types of sites.

Even with a deep reformat, it would BSOD.  Now – he has the newer lap top.  I have loaded Firefox, with no script and adblock plus, as well as Malwarebytes, Adaware, and a virus scanner onto it.  I have threatened to password protect the admin account on it, and create a new one just for him that goes ONLY to Nickelodeon, and Disney if he doesn’t take care of it. (I could and WOULD so do it too.  And he knows it.)

I have shown him how to update adobe, flash and windows as they come out, and scan every single week. Now, if I could just get him to physically clean it.  That thing is gross.  I don’t like to touch it if I don’t have to.  Blech.

I have my desk system.  Password protected, thankyouverymuch!  (of course I trust him – just not with my computer, which has a high def widescreen monitor… and is what I use to play my games, not to mention write here! )

Anyway – celebrating anniversary!  I have taken Friday and Monday off, to make it a full on mini vacation again.  Of course, not all of it can be at home in blissful denial of a world outside.

For one thing, I absolutely HAVE to get new glasses. (and Hubster needs them).  I have had vision coverage since I was hired full time at my job.  I have budgeted in optometrist and glasses to my flex spending which is also offered where I work.  I have not, however, ever been successful in actually getting an appointment, and using it, before the money on the flex spending card runs out.  Damned doctors keep adding prescriptions and meds, and for the first couple of years – I was at the doctors office at least twice a month getting things like thyroid under control.  Meant that the flex spend money went FAST.  And the glasses I need?  For my whacked out eyesight?  Not so cheap.

The glasses I have now?  5 years old.  One side of the frames is wired and superglued together (thanks to the hubster), but not tight enough to keep the lens from popping out occasionally.  The other side?  Stripped screw that needs to be tightened every day without fail, or….  the frame pops open on that side and…  the lens falls out.

Y’all know how hard it is, when one is legally blind without the damned things, and this happens upon picking up the glasses from your bedside table in the “morning”?  Let me tell you. Whether ya wanna hear it or not.  So there. (look at me being all mature and stuff.  Neener neener neener!)

On the multiple times this has been my fate, while feeling about the floor with sleep numbed hands, on knees that don’t know yet if they are going to work well enough to get me OFF the damned floor, and down the stairs to coffee…  Words have been uttered.  And not “fluffy bunnikins unicorn and rainbow glitters” type words.  Words that could get me actioned in the game I provide support for.  Words that would have gotten my mouth washed out with soap as a youngin’.  Yeah.  THOSE words. In combinations that boggle MY mind (which everyone knows lives in the sewer) on occasion.

SO – off to the optometrist, to see how much worse my eyes have gotten in the last 5 years.  And then, to choose frames, and put in the order.  Glasses I need can’t be done with the one hour vision service.  They have to be sent out to a lab, to make sure they are done correctly.  usually, a week or two later, I can finally go get them.

This should totally wear out my wish to deal with people.  Plus, I shall probably have the whacky drops in my eyes – you know the ones that dilate your pupils, meaning that your eyes might burst into flames if you go out into the sun without shades?  Or at least hurt a whole lot because of the brightness?

So – back home with dilated, sensitive eyes, to a marvelous supper, and then as much together time as we can stand.  May even last a bit – until hubby just “has” to check something on the tube, or internet or…  no matter! ( I swear the man is ADHD.  He has to have twenty bajillion things going.  At all times he is awake.) Until them, yummy supper (thinking nothing too fancy – grilled steaks and shrimp, potatoes, garden salad… and don’t forget the wine!) and then maybe some cards? Or just talking?

Hubster has threatened to get me drunk. I have a marvelous workmate who thinks that the most awesome thing would be to be gotten drunk, and the advantage taken would be him cleaning the house!  Love that Jeena!  She giggles me.  Seriously.  If he did do this  (and I am saying that old scratch would be buying woolens before it did…) I would just have to go around after, and fix it all.  /sigh. The thought however, is awesome!  Sadly, not probably anywhere in or even NEAR  the hubsters mind.

I have 4 whole days (or actually nights.  Durned schedule).  Hubster will be asleep well before I am even thinking about a mid “day” nap.  That means…  I can play SWTOR!  My poor WoW girlies have been so neglected. They will get love again…  just not any time too soon.

I have been getting so much into the stories in the new game.  Each class has its own questing line as an overarching story for that particular class.  Then of course, there are the regular quests that everyone going through the area can do if they choose to.  I have gotten so caught up in each classes story lines – I am taking my time, feeling it out, and just having a blast!  They all have spaceships now, and have moved to the next planet to quest for each of them.  Not a one is level 20 yet (much less max level 50), but I don’t care.  Gaming for me isn’t about racing to max.  It is about the journey there, and stopping to smell (or pick, or crush or otherwise mangle depending upon in game professions) the flowers along the way!

If there is any slack at all, we might each pick something small,  inexpensive, that we want as our “presents”.  While I am very tempted to get the soundtrack to Avenue Q (solely to play “The Internet is for Porn” which is stuck in my head right now… ARG!) In reality, mine would maybe be a book or two for the kindle my dad bought me for my birthday.  I am loving the free classics that I have downloaded.  Time to take it a step further!

Finally cats for thought!  I posted a picture of the Diva miss Callie on my desk a few weeks ago.  Now I present, cats in perspective!  (at least in relation to each other)

The Moose

Spook decided he needed loves, and got between me and my computer.  Just after he jumped down, Miss Callied decided that what was good for the moose, was good for the…  diva!

The Dainty Diva

Note that I am farther away from the edge of the desk in Spooks picture, than I am in Callies.  I had to do that, or he wouldn’t fit.  The tail end of his butt and tail STILL don’t.

With that, thanks for bearing with me and my not so regular schedule lately.  Seriously SERIOUSLY trying to get it back together, and get it regular!  Metamucil for the brain?  IDK.  If it exists however, I shall find it!

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